Posted in accept, arthritis, author, book, book, challenges, daughter, death, Elisabeth, embrace, Emotional, faith, Family, friend, God, grace, grandson, hands, health, Holy Spirit, Jesus, journal, joy, lesson, memoir, mind, pain, Physical, quote, Rachel, scripture, sorrow, Spiritual, strength, strong, truth, wisdom, words, write, writer

Truth Be Told

The year 2025 goes down in my journal as a seesaw year. Up with the birth of my great-grandson and the completion of my memoir, but down with my physical health and the loss of loved ones. This up and down effected my emotional and spiritual vitality throughout the year. Last year I wrote a series of haikus for a writing challenge and entitled the mini book Balancing the Seesaw. One haiku I capsulated with these words … “Joy for the moment, casting all cares aside, swinging to the heights.” True joy isn’t just for a moment. I learned much as I had more to surrender to, look at the truth and embrace it, and glean wisdom from on high. Health has been my main challenge, and the death of friends and another family member was just about too much. Yet God showed Himself faithful as always. I have worked through this difficult year gaining strength in many areas of my life. Emotions can sometimes deceive. The Holy Spirit continues to guide me and those I love like my daughters, Rachel and Elisabeth. Step by step, day by day. Grace abounds.

Pain speaks loudly when the body isn’t functioning as it should. I had to listen to my body. In March began a string of many medical tests, x-rays, and exams. I have lumbar and cervical discs misaligned as well as arthritis found in almost every joint x-rayed thus far. For years we believed I had osteoarthritis but this autumn the pain source was diagnosed as the autoimmune type of arthritis, rheumatoid (RA). I am one of the rare ones whose blood tests do not show RA, but the x-rays and MRIs showed plenty of arthritic damage. Physical therapy and medications have me continuing to work in the kitchen of the local senior center, but with limited hours. I will cut back my hours even more starting in January. The medical reports referred to my hands as “deformed”. Through the years my hands have faithfully served me and my efforts to serve others. These appendages just cannot do what they once could. At first the truth was heart-wrenching, but I am working through the reality daily.

“The joy of the Lord is my strength.” ~ Nehemiah 8:10

The truth be told I am still learning to be the owner of my own joy. Over the years many hobbies have been a source of joy to me, most requiring the use of my hands. Sewing, crafting, gardening, cooking, and then writing in my more recent years. While at the Clarksville Writers’ Conference the keynote speaker and author, Margaret Renkl shared, ” I refuse to quell this joy.” She encouraged the listener, “learn to pay attention by writing, painting, drawing.” My writing has become so essential to my everyday living. I have become attentive to what others would call “small matters.” My writing will continue, if need be, through voice-activated writing. Over the years, history has shown people with severe deprivation still find joy. It is a mindset. My mind is set on “the joy of the Lord is my strength.” I find joy and will continue to find joy despite it all by the grace of God.

“And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work.” ~ 2 Corinthians 9:8

Posted in body, God, pain, Physical, provision, scripture, song, spirit, Spiritual, strength, thankful

My Strength and My Song

Living with pain is not easy. I am distracted with this sciatic pain, encompassing my lower back, right hip, and down my right leg into my foot. Quite a challenge to keep at tasks as well as during down times. “In everything give thanks” the holy scriptures reminds me, even during throbbing, trailing pain.

The Lord is my strength and my song; He has become my salvation.” ~ Psalm 118:14

This Monday morning after a weekend drive to Chicagoland and back, my sciatic nerve is in full flare-up. My body is not enjoying car rides even with stops and stretching every two hours. And this October requires weekend travel.

I talk to my body while in the hot shower saying, “You are doing this. You are going to get dressed for work, go to work, and complete your tasks.” Then out of my mouth comes the worship song “You are my strength and my song …” My spirit speaks above my body. If I am in pain, I am not aware while my spirit sings to my mighty God. “You are my strength and my song …” God truly is my strength and the reason for my song. I got through another productive day at work, helped provide delicious meals for 100 people today. Praise to our saving Lord! He provides again for this day!

Posted in Christmas, church, courage, God, hate, heart, Holy Spirit, Jesus, love, peace, prayer, purpose, scripture, strength, strife

Willingness and Readiness

“Prepare for God’s arrival!
Make the road straight and smooth,
a highway fit for our God."

~ Isaiah 40:3 The Message version

Christmas Day is two weeks away. Are you prepared in your heart? Am I prepared in my heart? All the commercialism can get me off track. Even going to church this past Sunday white twinkle lights at the altar are blinking to catch attention. Has the commercialism invaded the church sanctuary, too? Preparing for Jesus is a heart matter.

This craziness this world is in can have our heads spinning and our hearts aching. The hatred, wars, and unrest are disturbing, distracting from what matters. The love of God is there for each of us to embrace. Hatred has to stop! We think we arrive with our religious views, rituals, and teachings. But what is in each heart of man, woman, and child?

"As John preached he said, 'The real action comes next: The star in this drama, to whom I’m a mere stagehand, will change your life. I’m baptizing you here in the river, turning your old life in for a kingdom life. His baptism—a holy baptism by the Holy Spirit—will change you from the inside out.'"
~ Mark 1:8 The Message version

God, change me from the inside out. Help me to be an instrument of Your peace, Your love, and Your purposes. Give me courage and strength to carry out Your will today, tomorrow, and always.

Posted in care, color, friends, Holy Spirit, life, pain, People, season, soul, Spiritual, strength, therapy, words, write

Teapot Street

Right now life is painful. I cannot write specific details here, but I can share how God is watching over Dean and I during this time. Our Father has provided a few wise people in our lives, who are available to be a support, pray for us, and speak the truth to us. As scripture says “the truth will set you free.” Working through this rough patch, I write and write and write. This type of therapy is healthy for me.

“Where are all of the people who want little cottages in the woods with shelves full of books and gardens full of herbs?” ~ Brooke Hampton

Years ago I wrote a poem to a special Teddy Bear. This furry companion was with me from the beginning as a mother. I still have him. I recently discovered this poem from a box with other poems I had written, too. Today I write about a teapot fairyland, specifically on Teapot Street.

Teapot Street

Summer winds up into the autumn season

like the amber string of lights wind up on a teapot

illuminating the warm colors of the season.

Orange pumpkins plump alongside the teapot dwelling,

waiting to cast a whimsical glow at nighttime.

Cakes and pies resting on the windowsill

to feed hungry souls like the Word of God feeds us.

Trees sway in the crisp wind like the Holy Spirit

breathes strength and life into His people.

Friendship Bistro is set on Teapot Street

providing a comfy menu to partake for a special teatime.

Charm and caring hearts throughout the street.

Friends will join us on Teapot Street this autumn,

pray for and walk with us in this season of our lives.

Posted in addiction, care, change, choice, depression, doom, follow, forgiveness, God, grace, hurt, insecurity, Jesus, life, man, pain, repent, sin, sinful woman, strength, truth, woman

A Fleeting Moment

Many of us live for a fleeting moment and pleasure. I know I have been guilty of such. We get so wrapped up into this earthly life, some days it is just surviving and other days on top of the world. Distractions like the idle chasing of butterflies, that bowl of ice cream x 3, another sugary coffee drink, the I-phone or computer screen. Momentary pleasures of a smoke or two, alcoholic drink of choice, the betting game until you win, another frivolous purchase, or floating high on a mind-altering drug without a care in the world, all these possible addictions mask the cold hard truths of life, pain, and depression. Like the painting Ship of Fools by Carl Dobsky, our doom may be just a few feet away.

Yesterday’s Gospel reading was about the woman caught in adultery and how Jesus extended grace to her but warned her “sin no more”. The priest opened the homily with “we all have been caught with the hand in the cookie jar.” Either by stealing, gossiping, gazing at internet porn, cheating on your taxes, telling untruths, slacking on the job, etc. The priest brought up an interesting question, what about the man, why was not he brought before judgement like the woman? The priest suggested that the adulterous man ran faster than the accusers. Any case he will still stand before God’s judgement. God looks for a repented heart, that is where you make a round-about change in direction from the wrongdoing.

The grace of God covers our sins when we confess them to Him. Addictions make it difficult to truly repent, but it is possible by calling on Him for strength. It is a day-by-day battle, for some minute-by-minute journey. Insecurities and unmet needs can lead us the wrong direction. Justifications can set in. I remember the day many years ago I had to choose what direction I was to take, to continue hanging around bad company, or take a different path with the mocking and ridicule to follow. I am so happy Jesus led me His Way. “I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life …” (John 14:6) Jesus tells each of us.

Posted in children, cry, Elisabeth, Emotional, Family, fear, flower, God, grandchild, health, love, mother, Physical, prayer, Rachel, Spiritual, strength, thankful, trust, Women in My Life

Dear Mom

Mom, I miss you. I needed you this week. I needed your listening ear. I got scared, too scared to trust for little while. I let the world bother me to the point I was doubting who I was. I am still your daughter. Even if you are not here with me, reminders like the female cardinal bird at the feeder last evening that seemed to peer through the window pane at me. This is my first Mother’s Day in my 60 years without you, Mom. If you were here you would be telling me “God gave you the strength and brains to get through this tough patch in life.” You’d also say, “count your blessings, be thankful.” You were always so strong. Well, maybe not always, but most times. Tougher than me for sure. I remember tears from your eyes just a few times. But mostly you plugged through things, complained when you had enough of Dad or one or all of us kids. Social injustices fired you up. No angel, a tough cookie that was very independent in most aspects, and gave that same tough love to me and those around you.

I sought God this week. He answered my cry, and sent other people in my path to pray for me. Mother Mary, other heavenly saints, and probably you and Dad, too prayed for me. My cries turned to gratitude. I am thankful for my husband. I am thankful for my children. I am thankful for my whole family, Dean’s, too. I am thankful for my jobs, and my retirement around the corner. I am thankful for the physicians caring for me and our girls, Rachel and Elisabeth. I am thankful there are medicines to keep our health. Rachel found a new doctor, a better one. She made it to California with her family, and are on the way back now. Praying for the traveling angels to guide them along the way. Those grandbabies got to put their toes in the ocean for the first time while in Malibu! I am thankful for where God has me right now. He has much more for me to do but also to rest and relax more. “Flex your gratitude muscle to fight off fear,” author Ann Voskamp encourages me. And it works. Stronger to fight off doubts and let God’s love win. Happy Mother’s Day in heaven! We left flowers for you!

Posted in age, answer, connection, day, give, grandchild, heart, husband, lesson, life, listen, love, night, old, refuge, rest, secure, silence, stillness, strength, wisdom, world

Messages

Messages are uttered in so many ways. Bold statements blurted out from the too familiar, boisterous co-worker, stranger on the street, billboard, or TV commercial. The grandchild that pops a question of “aha” magnitude. The Sunday sermon from the pastor or the simple architecture of a chapel set in the woods. The faithful spouse who knows your every fault, but loves you all heart and soul anyway. The quiet utterance of a sunset or springtime walk into fresh sprouts of greens and purples in the woods. The songbird singing his lovely tune to the world. Oh, the shout of that big Texas moon on a spring night! The stone structure or tree still standing despite time and weather. Messages are all around us everyday. Are you listening?

Posted in care, faith, fear, God, Holy Spirit, hope, Jesus, love, peace, scripture, strength, sufficient, trust

I Need You

I need You, my God, my Father, my Jesus, my Guiding Spirit. Hear my heart, oh God! Without You, I drift into downward spiral thoughts. Then anxiety and fear sets in. I lack trust, faith, hope, and love when I live outside of You. Philippians 4:13 tells me “I can do all things which He has called me to do through Him who strengthens and empowers me to fulfill His purpose – I am self-sufficient in Christ’s sufficiency; I am ready for anything and equal to anything through Him who infuses me with inner strength and confident peace.” ~Amplified Bible. The key is “self-sufficient in Christ’s sufficiency”. And Jesus Christ is sufficient. He fulfilled all that our Father required. He gave all. Jesus gave His life for you and me. “Cast all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you.” ~ 1 Peter 5:7. Outside of Jesus, you and I have nothing. Period. I turn to Jesus. Turn to Jesus.

Posted in body, change, choice, community, courage, day, deed, differences, feelings, happy, house, husband, job, lesson, life, live, Mental, mind, neighbor, People, Physical, prayer, purpose, resilience, spirit, Spiritual, strength, thankful, well

What Am I Waiting For?

About every moment of every day the local, national, and world news capture heart-wrenching stories of tragedy and utter chaos. Although the local news stations have been better about bringing the good news, too. Like how a group of teenagers care for the needs of their elderly or home-bound neighbors during this pandemic with meal deliveries, running errands, minor home repairs, and taking out trash. While helping others, these youth are helping themselves by learning new skills, effective communications, and heart lessons from their altruism acts. These kids didn’t wait for something to change, they made the change. We cannot say how long the pandemic will continue to disrupt our lives. But I cannot stand by and wait to see how long. Life goes on. The new normal is established, for now anyway. What am I waiting for? What are you waiting for?

I have gained 90 minutes a day by not commuting to work every weekday. After about 3 months to adjusting to work from home (and loving most aspects of telecommuting), I decided to make another change. “I don’t have time” is not a valid excuse any longer. I downloaded a walking app, and have been doing interval speed walking for the past 10 weeks 5 mornings a week. It has been so liberating! I am up to 4-1/4 miles in 75 minutes, and my speed is about 17-1/2 minutes per mile. I am out of the house 5 days a week doing something wonderful for my body as well as for my mind and spirit. After 6 weeks my blood pressure and glucose have dropped enough to adjust my meds. There is a new saying I have heard through the online weight management program Naturally Slim. “Mind, meet body.” I play these mental gymnastics, talking to my mind, my body, and my spirit. There is a series of thoughts that goes like this: “This is good for you, get out there”, “God, give me strength, protect me for another day”, “foot, knee, you are going to be okay”, “only 5 more minutes of speed walking before cool down, yes!”, “sweaty wet tank top you are getting washed today”, “God, bless that homeless person”, “the birds sound lovely, thank You”, “God, what a beautiful sunrise You have given this morning!”, “oh, what a cute flower pot” … I think you get the picture. My thoughts turn to prayer, thankfulness, and praise every single day. I turned sixty today! My sassy (my hubby says sexy) sixty self is happy I have not stood by and waited any longer for these walking workouts. We are never too old to learn or do something new. Now is the time.

Posted in authors, children, death, deed, faith, friend, friends, God, husband, mother, peace, prayer, scripture, sinful woman, strength, woman, Women in My Life

Bathed In Prayer

My heart has been so heavy these past few weeks.  Thoughts have run through my head over and over.  I could not publicly write about it until today due to finding the words, as well as work and travels. The ramifications of the COVID pandemic are many.  Like a spider web, it’s intertwining in every aspect of our lives.  It is about protecting self and family.  For me it is also about the 4,000 employees I work with as an HR professional.  If COVID wasn’t enough, then the international racial riots in response to a bad police officer’s apparent murder of a black man.  How do you and I deal with all this negative news and multiple lives affected with such hatred?

I remember years ago while I was in distress over the lost of a child due to a miscarriage, an older Christian woman called me to tell me she would bathed me in prayer.  That afternoon I was so tired from blood loss and mourning over the loss of the child I would never know.  My husband then was insensitive to my feelings and said, “Well, you will get over it.  We didn’t really want another child anyways.”  So hurtful to me, but this was how he rationalize the pain of this death.  I slept the remaining day and into the night.  I was able to fall asleep knowing another woman was praying for me.  It was the intentional prayers of another, as well as this person sharing this with me that brought peace to my soul, and eventually rest.  From this I learned to pray fervently and unceasingly for others, as well as for myself.

“All strength that we give away comes over us again, experienced and altered. Thus it is in prayer…” author Rainer Maria Rilke writes.  Strength is what I receive when I pray.  “And what is there, truly done, that is not prayer?” Rilke adds.  I take it that the author speaks of works that coincide with or because of faith and prayer. Holy Scriptures tell us in James 2:14-26 New Living Translation (NLT) “What good is it, dear brothers and sisters, if you say you have faith but don’t show it by your actions? Can that kind of faith save anyone? Suppose you see a brother or sister who has no food or clothing, and you say, ‘Good-bye and have a good day; stay warm and eat well’—but then you don’t give that person any food or clothing. What good does that do? So you see, faith by itself isn’t enough. Unless it produces good deeds, it is dead and useless. Now someone may argue, ‘Some people have faith; others have good deeds.’ But I say, ‘How can you show me your faith if you don’t have good deeds? I will show you my faith by my good deeds.’ You say you have faith, for you believe that there is one God. Good for you! Even the demons believe this, and they tremble in terror. How foolish! Can’t you see that faith without good deeds is useless? Don’t you remember that our ancestor Abraham was shown to be right with God by his actions when he offered his son Isaac on the altar. You see, his faith and his actions worked together. His actions made his faith complete. And so it happened just as the Scriptures say: ‘Abraham believed God, and God counted him as righteous because of his faith.’ He was even called the friend of God. So you see, we are shown to be right with God by what we do, not by faith alone. Rahab the prostitute is another example. She was shown to be right with God by her actions when she hid those messengers and sent them safely away by a different road. Just as the body is dead without breath, so also faith is dead without good works.”

Today our prayers and the works that match those prayers sustain us.  We cannot justify hatred between family members, neighborhoods, co-workers, religions, and races.  Pray.  Pray for the “peace that surpasses understanding.”  Do a good deed towards someone who may be in opposite view as yourself.  If a good deed is not possible right now, then continue to pray.  “Pray without ceasing” until you can.  Bathe yourself and the other person in prayer.