Category: feelings

Posted in care, comfort, darkness, day, envy, feelings, give, God, grace, hate, jealousy, kind, light, love, People, scripture, Spiritual, strong

Love Will Find A Way

Posted on by deannagreensandgardenart

Love is seen and felt in so many places and ways. Unless you are giving it or looking for it through God’s lens, most days it seems love doesn’t come knocking on your door. It seems selfishness, jealousy, envy, hatred, rejection, uncaring, and lust are the common themes that this world hands out in droves. I am so relieved that God’s Word tells us that we can love because God loved us first. His Word also reminds us that we are chosen, enough, strong, brave, victorious, unique, capable, and beautiful.

“We love each other because He loved us first.”

~ 1 John 4:19 NLT

Last week my husband and I took a mid-southwest vacation to Arkansas, Oklahoma, and Texas. Our vacations are half planned with time and space left for whimsical stops and visits. One of my Dean’s wishes was a visit to the Oklahoma City National Memorial Museum. The federal building bombing happened 30 years ago this April. This incident was so impressionable back then and still is. What was an unspeakable act of hatred that killed 168 people and injured hundreds more became a beckon of hope in God’s love in His people. This community and our nation rallied around determined to beat hatred with love. God’s justice prevailed.

As a souvenir and reminder of the love gathered at the memorial service almost 30 years ago, I bought a teddy bear at the gift shop. The bear is similar to the ones gifted by Illinois’ first lady to Oklahoma’s first lady in 1995, then handed out to the family and friends of the bombing victims attending the memorial service. Just one example of God’s love and grace. So many other provisions of comfort, kindness, and grace continue to be extended. Love wins!

“A Day of Darkness. Years of Light.” ~ Oklahoma City

Posted in breathe, brother, challenges, comfort, day, death, devastation, Family, feelings, friend, God, grief, heart, help, Holy Spirit, hurt, Jesus, love, need, pain, praise, prayer, scripture, sorrow

The Grief

Posted on by deannagreensandgardenart

This day before the winter solstice is a cold blustery day. It is colder this afternoon than it was when I was up at 5am this morning. The forecast promises the winter solstice to be the same. The cold wind slaps my face and takes my breath away like the cold-hard fact that my brother is not here on earth any longer.

The grief of it all is too much some days. I went into my boss’ office the other day and had a “good cry”. Just days ago I wrote on my other blog a post about my 65-year-old brother’s untimely death, and how good will come of it. Today, I am thinking, why, God? What good comes from the death of a loved one? And if only Dean or I had been available to take Rick and Joan to the airport, so he wouldn’t have had to clean the snow off their car and have that heart incident the day they arrived back at Lambert Field.

I know I am bargaining now. I cannot reverse what has been done. The “if only” cannot change the outcome. Bargaining is one of the stages of grief. This online resource describes the 5 or 7 stages of grief. These are the basic five: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. The seven stages expand on the five: shock/denial, pain/guilt, anger/bargaining, depression, the upward turn, reconstruction/working through, and acceptance/hope.

A friend of ours lost his son and two grandchildren in a fatal car accident on Tuesday. The pain these friends and their family are feeling must be incredibly deep. The wife and mother of the two children, I cannot even fathom where her heart is right now. All I can do is pray, “God, gracious Father, send your Holy Spirit to comfort. Bring each sorrow to a place where a healing salve gently massages the raw, open heart to receive Your Love, Your Words, Your Comfort.”

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God." ~ 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 NIV
Posted in aim, baby, choice, energy, feelings, give, holy, hope, husband, joy, life, nature, path, present, quote, regret, scripture, season, thankful, write

What Am I Aiming For?

Posted on by deannagreensandgardenart

My husband and I recently had a visit with a nephew, his lovely wife, and their adorable 3-month-old baby girl. Being with this young family brings us back three or four decades, when we each were up in the middle of night for diaper changes, feedings and then, trying to catch a few ZZZ’s during the baby’s daytime naps. Nothing compares to the joys of those cuddles in the rocking chair.

“There is a large measure of joy in ordinary moments ” ~ Susan Gale Wickes

I feel I rushed those moments that turned into years while looking for the next season and stages of life. Isn’t it living in the present moment that is most essential? Watching the birds feed and protect their young warms my heart. Time spent in nature with the trees, rivers, beach, and meadows of wildflowers calms any qualms. Writing poems and short stories keep me balanced along with reading Holy Scriptures and inspirational words.

The feeling of regret is uncomfortable; therefore, I have chosen to slow down a whole lot in this season of my life. With my partial retirement, I am shifting to a lower gear. I don’t want to stop discovering and living a full life. My energy is spent on worthy endeavors. Lifelong learning, embracing newness, intimacy with my relationships, thankfulness, and giving to others continue to be my aim. What do you aim for in this season of your life? If need be, start all over again.

“If you knew that hope and despair were paths to the same destination, which would you choose?” ~ Robert Breault

Posted in barrier, book, boundary, change, feelings, God, heart, Holy Spirit, hurt, listen, memoir, path, prayer, quote, rejection, scripture, season, spirit, Spiritual, time, write

A Turned-Up Hand

Posted on by deannagreensandgardenart

“There is a time and place for everything“ an old saying goes probably based on the holy scripture in Ecclesiastes. I know it is not what you or I want to hear after a turned-up hand shows up in the face. I have had plenty of turned-up hands, rejections, and boundaries set lately. But a boundary set gives me permission to thrive and live within the boundaries God has given me.

“There is a time for everything,
    and a season for every activity under the heavens …” Ecclesiastes 3:1

For the time being I have laid aside teaching culinary classes. The continuing education courses at the local community college have made too many changes I am comfortable with. Hence, the boundary set, and I take heed to. I will and have taken opportunities to teach culinary and writing-related workshops to young adults and adults. I am open to more venues to share my love of cooking and writing. In the meantime, God has prepared a time space whereas I can be more available at the senior center. Besides being a culinary professional, I have taken on more training and duties with regards to inventory and ordering at this season.

“I write because I don’t know what I think until I read what I say.” ~ Flannery O’Connor 

I have completed the first draft of my memoir. I have two readers combing through proofreading and making edit suggestions. The next steps are a professional editor, then the publisher. I have folks in mind for each of those roles for my first full-length book. There may be a hand turned-up in the process, but those brakes are a barrier that leads me to something better. In the meantime, I completed a 49 haiku challenge, seven haikus written for seven days. It was very therapeutic, and I was able to see my thought and feeling process after a difficult week. Writing does that for me. A green light means “go for it”! I have taken the opportunity to have my haikus printed into a mini book entitled Balancing The Seesaw.

Prayer was a very significant part of my difficult week, too. Relationships hurt sometimes. I was able to give my feelings of rejection to our God, who “knows when I sit and stand … understands my thoughts from afar” as Psalms 139:2 tells me. Are you listening to your own comfort zone? What stop sign have you encountered? What has God laid on your heart? What new path is the Spirit directing you to? There is a season for everything.

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time for hate,
a time for war, and a time for peace.
~Ecclesiastes 3: 1 – 8

Posted in clean, daughter, dirt, feelings, flower, God, health, heart, Holy Spirit, Jesus, life, mother, quote, redeemer, renew, scripture, unworthiness, walk

The Dirt of Life

Posted on by deannagreensandgardenart

Life can be messy sometimes. For some folks, maybe more so or less than you. We all have it. No one is immune to it. Dirt, the stuff that causes disorder, turmoil, feelings of unworthiness, unclean inside and/or outside. My daughter gave me a framed picture for Mother’s Day that says these words, “Every flower must grow through dirt.” What a lovely reminder, that beauty can be found in the midst of a mess. And fun, too. Remember those mud pies you made as a child? Also, healthy foods come from the dirt.

You can find dirt in my life, and I know there is some in yours because we are human. But let’s focus on the beauty that is present day. First, because of the gift of Jesus and His life, death, and resurrection, I am redeemed. You are, too! Psalms 25:8 tells us “The Lord is good and does what is right; He shows the proper path to those who go astray.” I am asking God, what are You leading me to, and what do You have planned for me today? The speed I go is not important, it is that I take step by step with His guidance. I am moving forward, are you?

“Create in me a clean heart, oh God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.”

Psalms 51:10
Posted in anger, daughter, disabled, earth, empty, faith, Family, fear, feelings, gift, God, grandchild, grief, heart, home, house, insecurity, Jesus, life, pain, poverty, prayer, quote, resilience, season, seed, son, sorrow, time, truth, worry

Prayer Like A Lace Shawl

Posted on by deannagreensandgardenart

Snow has covered the roof tops, grass, leaves, and trees like a lace shawl early this morning. Soft, no harshness with this snowfall. But life has been harsh this past month, like a blizzard. Details to provide for my daughter’s family after their house burned down Christmas night are harsh realities. Life has not been a bed of roses for my daughter most of her life. Disabled with a nerve disorder caused by an error during a disc surgery went undetected for months. Consequently, she has and still suffers with pain most every minute of her day. Every day. Most days she is on top of it, smiles at the days to come. At this bleak season of her life, she lives one day at a time, one hour at a time, and one minute at a time while those details are being covered in prayer. Prayer like a lace shawl does not completely cover the substance underneath. You still see glimpses of rawness; although the bare reality by a teaspoon instead of gallons at any given moment. Loss, grief, disbelief, emptiness, doing without, fear, doubt, anger, just surviving, insecurity, faith at times smaller than a mustard seed, coping, resilience rising, moving a finger at a time and then a hand to say “I am alive” are some of the heart’s feelings they share. God completely envelope my daughter, son-in-law, and grandchildren with Your love this very moment.

In the bleak mid-winter
Frosty wind made moan;
Earth stood hard as iron,
Water like a stone;
Snow had fallen, snow on snow,
Snow on snow,
In the bleak mid-winter
Long ago.

Our God, heaven cannot hold Him
Nor earth sustain,
Heaven and earth shall flee away
When He comes to reign:
In the bleak mid-winter
A stable-place sufficed
The Lord God Almighty —
Jesus Christ.

What can I give Him,
Poor as I am? —
If I were a Shepherd
I would bring a lamb;
If I were a Wise Man
I would do my part, —
Yet what I can I give Him, —
Give my heart.

“In this bleak mid-winter” as the Christina Rossetti poem and lyrics go, “yet what I can give Him, give my heart.” As we conclude the Advent season, I resound “I can and will give my heart”. We all must in order to survive this harsh world.

Posted in Blog, brother, color, cousin, day, death, Family, feelings, flower, gift, give, God, grace, health, hope, Jesus, mother, Mother Mary, People, quote, renew, sad, scripture, season, sinful woman, Spiritual, woman, Women in My Life, words, write, writer

More Pink Days

Posted on by deannagreensandgardenart

What color is your day today? I perused my photos on my cell phone to recall my year. Pink was the pronounced color for this year, with blue a close second. I lost five family members in 2022; two uncles, an aunt, a cousin, and my younger brother. Those were blue days and weeks. The feeling of sadness overwhelmed me at times. But pink, a color synonymous to healthiness, optimism, innocence, and hope overshadowed those days. My hopes are that pink reigns mightily in 2023.

Pink isn’t just a color, it’s an attitude!

Miley Cyrus

I found myself surrounded with clothing in pinks: dusty rose, cerise, salmon, blush champagne, pink lemonade, bubble gum, magenta … scarves, gloves, hats, dresses, blouses, fancy britches, bunny costumes, accessories …

I am lured to chaise lounges, couches, and chairs dressed in pink.

Nature shows off her pink hues … the winter skyline, spring trees, summer blooms, and autumn grasses.

Date nights, anniversaries, holidays, vacations, and entertainment venues staged in magenta and bubblegum pinks with warm sunshine and waterfront breezes bring a renewed glow …

Strawberry lemonade and tea party pink cookies make any day a special occasion …

The grandeur ladies and Mother Nature placed in my life feed my inner child and I gather myself by writing words in poetry, blogs, and short stories…

This last month of the year I decorate our tabletop Christmas tree with vintage Shiny Brite ornaments from my parents’ collection and love the nostalgic greeting cards sparkled with white and pink splendor, those precious childhood memories flood my senses…

Remember the reason for this holiday season … every season … and use that gift God gave you to share with others in 2023.

Posted in anxious, blessings, care, community, cousin, depression, die, Emotional, empty, failure, faith, Family, feelings, God, house, hurt, job, joy, love, Mental, mercy, neighbor, pain, People, Physical, prayer, water, weep

Lavish Love

Posted on by deannagreensandgardenart

Some days I feel people just don’t even give a damn. Other days it hurts to see those you love in pain, physical or emotional anguish. I holler out, “God, where is Your mercy, Your justice.” Then other days when the flood waters rise, it is hard to see God in it. We prayed for rain after 100+ degree temps and no rain for days this scorching summer. We got it alright in one stormy night of 8 -12 inches of rain. Destruction surrounds us and the local news captures the next devastating story of the flash floods. One person dead. 10 puppies from a stray rescue facility drown. Basements and houses fill with water. Businesses close. No flood insurance for most. Is this the Noah’s ark story being told again, I wonder? I attended the funeral service for my uncle this week. A man wrongly accused the latter days of his life. My cousin cried. Many of us shed our own tears, crying for mercy.

The pastor who shared at my uncle’s eulogy reminded us of the beautiful Japanese art form that is made from broken fragments. Nothing is wasted, everything made beautiful it its time. Ravishing lavish love, this is what I want. Flooding in. It’s what we all want. People will fail, just living this life will disappoint, but God does not. His love is perfect. Let Him fill that emptiness you feel with His perfect love. The anxiety about your present-day situation will subside. Feeling overwhelmed is real . . . Stop now. Pray. Count your blessings. Your cup will overflow with His love. Families, neighbors, and the community have come and will come together to help those in need. People and pets are rescued. Officials and first responders care and continue to share the burden. Jesus is carrying you. He cares.

“May mercy, peace, and love be lavished on you!” ~ Jude 1:2

Posted in brother, choice, church, community, creative, day, differences, diversity, faith, Family, feelings, God, hate, Holy Spirit, Jesus, love, neighbor, partial, quote, respect, scripture, sister, spirit, works

This Bird, This Feather, This Love

Posted on by deannagreensandgardenart

Have you heard the saying “birds of a feather flock together“? It is the idea that families or people of kindred spirit stay together in one way or another. Other explanations are “People having similar tastes often get together and feel comfortable in each other’s company. It also means that similar people enjoy life together and often gather to exchange ideas” found on https://literarydevices.net/birds-of-a-feather-flock-together/. Here is a poem by Harley White that defines the phrase more …

Birds Of A Feather

Opposites may hold attraction
But lack lasting satisfaction.
Frequently push comes to shove.
In comes hate and out goes love.

Animals in fights and fleeings
Still are mostly social beings.
In a pinch, at end of tether,
Birds of a feather flock together.

Multitudes of furry creatures
Seem alike in lots of features.
Yet that’s not their point of view,
And they vie to prove this true.

Mockingbirds may sing like parrots.
Horses, rabbits crunch on carrots.
Many species act as one
To lark and run in the sun.
But in times of stormy weather,
Birds of a feather flock together.

A family does not necessarily display the birds of a feather concept. Some rarely interact with each other, and when they do it is a competing race, insults slapping the face of a brother or sister, backstabbing, or continuing dysfunctional roles from childhood. This can be blood relatives or in the church family. This attitude filters into work groups, community organizations, and neighborhoods displaying indifference and hatred. Whatever happen to plain respect for another human being who is made in the likeness of God just like you or me? So don’t give me “my family is better than theirs” or “if only they’d be more like me, I’d accept them then.” God made each of us unique and with diversity. Look at our fingerprints. Not one exactly the same. We each are our own person. How creative is our God! God is not partial to one person over another, He loves us with a divine equality. Romans 2:11 says “For there is no partiality with God.” At the end of the day, God still calls each of us to love one another despite our differences and ill feelings. Jesus tells us “By this all people will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another”. In the 1960’s Fr. Peter Scholtes wrote the lyrics to this song based on John 13:35…

They’ll Know We Are Christians by Our Love

We are one in the Spirit, we are one in the Lord
We are one in the Spirit, we are one in the Lord
And we pray that our unity will one day be restored
And they’ll know we are Christians by our love, by our love
Yeah they’ll know we are Christians by our love

We will work with each other, we will work side by side
We will work with each other, we will work side by side
And we’ll guard each man’s dignity and save each man’s pride
And they’ll know we are Christians by our love, by our love
Yeah, they’ll know we are Christians by our love.

Love one another is a real challenge some days, but remember we love because He loved us first. “Flock together” today.

Posted in authors, blessings, book, change, children, community, Crescent Dragonwagon, daughter, Family, feelings, God, grandchild, granddaughter, happy, house, husband, job, People, silence, solitude, walk, write, writer

New Pace And Space

Posted on by deannagreensandgardenart

I have taken on a new opportunity this summer, and not just for this summer. On June 1 I retired from my full-time HR position in order to slow my pace down. I have more time for the activities I love like gardening, cooking, antiquing, and writing. Even with these fun hobbies, I am learning to pace myself so I get enough sleep, exercise, and make healthier food choices and proper time to consume. For additional income I am teaching culinary classes part-time with kids’ 1/2-day camps this summer. Come the fall semester, I will teach culinary classes 2 evenings a week to kids as well as adults.

More time for family is the another reason to slow my pace down. My husband and I already spent a weekend at the lake with his three children, spouses and three grandchildren. Next weekend I will be opening a booth in an antique mall with my daughters and granddaughters. But this week, is time for myself. I signed up for a writing residency at the Writing Colony at Dairy Hollow in Eureka Springs, Arkansas. I learned of this place over 15 years ago. This place has been in existence for 20 years. I could almost pinch myself, to check if it is real. I am actually staying at the Dairy Hollow house made famous by author, Crescent Dragonwagon. I am taking a week’s residency in the comfortable culinary suite creating some recipes to share in a book of short stories with a culinary theme. My first book. See what becomes of this week. It has been productive so far.

I take casual walks in this enchanted town of Victorian wrap-around porches, bungalows with inviting archways, crevices filled with wildflowers, groves of trees and moss-covered cliffs laced throughout the town. I do some porch sitting, watching the hummingbirds and song birds feed. While on the front porch yesterday afternoon sipping iced peppermint herbal tea a doe and her fawn meandered between the two residency buildings. Later this afternoon I hear the readings of one of my fellow writers at the Carnegie Library a few short blocks away. I will make it to the farmer’s market and a couple of local shops tomorrow morning before returning to the laptop for my story writing and making a peach-blueberry slump. Visits with the other writing residents have been at dinner time. We sit and dine for an hour at a long table filled with delightful foods prepared by an excellent cook from the Old World. Yes, life is good. I feel God’s blessings.