Category: pain

Posted in body, God, pain, Physical, provision, scripture, song, spirit, Spiritual, strength, thankful

My Strength and My Song

Posted on by deannagreensandgardenart

Living with pain is not easy. I am distracted with this sciatic pain, encompassing my lower back, right hip, and down my right leg into my foot. Quite a challenge to keep at tasks as well as during down times. “In everything give thanks” the holy scriptures reminds me, even during throbbing, trailing pain.

The Lord is my strength and my song; He has become my salvation.” ~ Psalm 118:14

This Monday morning after a weekend drive to Chicagoland and back, my sciatic nerve is in full flare-up. My body is not enjoying car rides even with stops and stretching every two hours. And this October requires weekend travel.

I talk to my body while in the hot shower saying, “You are doing this. You are going to get dressed for work, go to work, and complete your tasks.” Then out of my mouth comes the worship song “You are my strength and my song …” My spirit speaks above my body. If I am in pain, I am not aware while my spirit sings to my mighty God. “You are my strength and my song …” God truly is my strength and the reason for my song. I got through another productive day at work, helped provide delicious meals for 100 people today. Praise to our saving Lord! He provides again for this day!

Posted in heart, Jesus, pain, Physical, scripture, Spiritual, thankful, truth, words, write

What Kind of Words

Posted on by deannagreensandgardenart

What kind of words come from my lips when I am in arthritic pain? Kind words? Not most of the time. I stay silent as this is better than cursing. But if truth be told, if cursing is your only expression while in pain, go for it. Your existence matters, whether kind words come out or the sobering truth words are uttered aloud.

“Be thankful in all circumstances. This is what God wants from you in your life in union with Christ Jesus.

~ 1 Thessalonians 5:18 GNT

Words of gratitude is what I aim for. I started a daily gratitude practice this month. On paper I list out three things I am thankful for each morning. It ranges from my arthritic joints, my breath, boundaries, a budget, Earl Grey tea, blueberry kuchen, my job, skills to be able to work, my Dean, my Rachel, my Elisabeth, my Ben, knowing my father and mother for many years, an ability to write, communication, words … the list goes on and on. Pain is such an annoying state of being. So many of us bear through it. Several of my loved ones lived with it and others still live with it.

My prayer and words of encouragement are to take your pain to the arms of Jesus. He is there for you always! Whether it be physical and/or emotional pain, He is wanting your heart, curse words, and all. Words of thanks are what changes your heart.

Posted in breathe, brother, challenges, comfort, day, death, devastation, Family, feelings, friend, God, grief, heart, help, Holy Spirit, hurt, Jesus, love, need, pain, praise, prayer, scripture, sorrow

The Grief

Posted on by deannagreensandgardenart

This day before the winter solstice is a cold blustery day. It is colder this afternoon than it was when I was up at 5am this morning. The forecast promises the winter solstice to be the same. The cold wind slaps my face and takes my breath away like the cold-hard fact that my brother is not here on earth any longer.

The grief of it all is too much some days. I went into my boss’ office the other day and had a “good cry”. Just days ago I wrote on my other blog a post about my 65-year-old brother’s untimely death, and how good will come of it. Today, I am thinking, why, God? What good comes from the death of a loved one? And if only Dean or I had been available to take Rick and Joan to the airport, so he wouldn’t have had to clean the snow off their car and have that heart incident the day they arrived back at Lambert Field.

I know I am bargaining now. I cannot reverse what has been done. The “if only” cannot change the outcome. Bargaining is one of the stages of grief. This online resource describes the 5 or 7 stages of grief. These are the basic five: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. The seven stages expand on the five: shock/denial, pain/guilt, anger/bargaining, depression, the upward turn, reconstruction/working through, and acceptance/hope.

A friend of ours lost his son and two grandchildren in a fatal car accident on Tuesday. The pain these friends and their family are feeling must be incredibly deep. The wife and mother of the two children, I cannot even fathom where her heart is right now. All I can do is pray, “God, gracious Father, send your Holy Spirit to comfort. Bring each sorrow to a place where a healing salve gently massages the raw, open heart to receive Your Love, Your Words, Your Comfort.”

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God." ~ 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 NIV
Posted in care, color, friends, Holy Spirit, life, pain, People, season, soul, Spiritual, strength, therapy, words, write

Teapot Street

Posted on by deannagreensandgardenart

Right now life is painful. I cannot write specific details here, but I can share how God is watching over Dean and I during this time. Our Father has provided a few wise people in our lives, who are available to be a support, pray for us, and speak the truth to us. As scripture says “the truth will set you free.” Working through this rough patch, I write and write and write. This type of therapy is healthy for me.

“Where are all of the people who want little cottages in the woods with shelves full of books and gardens full of herbs?” ~ Brooke Hampton

Years ago I wrote a poem to a special Teddy Bear. This furry companion was with me from the beginning as a mother. I still have him. I recently discovered this poem from a box with other poems I had written, too. Today I write about a teapot fairyland, specifically on Teapot Street.

Teapot Street

Summer winds up into the autumn season

like the amber string of lights wind up on a teapot

illuminating the warm colors of the season.

Orange pumpkins plump alongside the teapot dwelling,

waiting to cast a whimsical glow at nighttime.

Cakes and pies resting on the windowsill

to feed hungry souls like the Word of God feeds us.

Trees sway in the crisp wind like the Holy Spirit

breathes strength and life into His people.

Friendship Bistro is set on Teapot Street

providing a comfy menu to partake for a special teatime.

Charm and caring hearts throughout the street.

Friends will join us on Teapot Street this autumn,

pray for and walk with us in this season of our lives.

Posted in Christian, color, cross, crown, eyes, faith, God, heart, hurt, invitation, Jesus, king, lesson, listen, Lydia, pain, quote, scripture, sorrow, Spiritual, triumph, woman

Crown of Thorns and Purple Robe

Posted on by deannagreensandgardenart

“She was a worshiper of God. The Lord opened her heart to listen to hear what Paul said.” ~ Acts 16:14

I reflect on our Lord’s final hours. Jesus wore a crown of thorns twisted together by the soldiers who arrested Him, as well as a purple robe.  “King of the Jews” Pilate labeled Him, though the Jews did not claim such. Is He my King of all of me? Is He your King? Why thorns for a crown?  Probably to mock Him and bring Him more physical pain. 

What kind of thorns brought such anguish to Him? Scholars say possibly those thorns were of Jujube, Sarcopoterium, Hawthorns, or Euphorbia milii? Jujube origins are of the Orient, with one legendary tree known as the “Tree of Knowledge”. Thorny, but most likely not crafted into a crown for our Jesus at Golgatha near Jerusalem. Sarcopoterium naturally grows in the Mediterranean, is in the rose family, and thorny. Hawthorns or “thornapple” another member of the rose family, used as a barrier for all animals but grows too far north to be of Jesus’ crown. Euphorbia milii is native to Madagascar; more of southern origins. A sturdy perennial with stout gray thorns and oval leaves. It sprawls with vinelike stems and can grow seven feet in length. Milky poison oozes from inside the vine irritating the skin and eyes. The thorns became another weapon used on our Jesus.

And why a purple robe?  Purple symbolizes wealth, prestige, royalty, and luxury. Again, Jesus became what others needed of Him. That day He became the “King of the Jews”. He was later stripped of that purple cloth. Lydia, a wealthy Gentile woman from Philippi made purple dyes and textiles.  She was the first European convert to Christianity. Like Jesus, Lydia became what others needed of her. She invited Paul and Jesus’ disciples to stay at her home while they ministered to the Philippians. “Lydia challenges us to reflect on our role of being prepared for the moment, seeking something bigger than ourselves, and being willing to invite others to experience what we have experienced,” writes Aimee Laramore. The life of Jesus continues in Lydia, you, and I.

“Generosity is not best experienced in one act or one exchange, but in life-long learning, leading, and loving one another.” ~ Aimee Laramore

Posted in anger, daughter, disabled, earth, empty, faith, Family, fear, feelings, gift, God, grandchild, grief, heart, home, house, insecurity, Jesus, life, pain, poverty, prayer, quote, resilience, season, seed, son, sorrow, time, truth, worry

Prayer Like A Lace Shawl

Posted on by deannagreensandgardenart

Snow has covered the roof tops, grass, leaves, and trees like a lace shawl early this morning. Soft, no harshness with this snowfall. But life has been harsh this past month, like a blizzard. Details to provide for my daughter’s family after their house burned down Christmas night are harsh realities. Life has not been a bed of roses for my daughter most of her life. Disabled with a nerve disorder caused by an error during a disc surgery went undetected for months. Consequently, she has and still suffers with pain most every minute of her day. Every day. Most days she is on top of it, smiles at the days to come. At this bleak season of her life, she lives one day at a time, one hour at a time, and one minute at a time while those details are being covered in prayer. Prayer like a lace shawl does not completely cover the substance underneath. You still see glimpses of rawness; although the bare reality by a teaspoon instead of gallons at any given moment. Loss, grief, disbelief, emptiness, doing without, fear, doubt, anger, just surviving, insecurity, faith at times smaller than a mustard seed, coping, resilience rising, moving a finger at a time and then a hand to say “I am alive” are some of the heart’s feelings they share. God completely envelope my daughter, son-in-law, and grandchildren with Your love this very moment.

In the bleak mid-winter
Frosty wind made moan;
Earth stood hard as iron,
Water like a stone;
Snow had fallen, snow on snow,
Snow on snow,
In the bleak mid-winter
Long ago.

Our God, heaven cannot hold Him
Nor earth sustain,
Heaven and earth shall flee away
When He comes to reign:
In the bleak mid-winter
A stable-place sufficed
The Lord God Almighty —
Jesus Christ.

What can I give Him,
Poor as I am? —
If I were a Shepherd
I would bring a lamb;
If I were a Wise Man
I would do my part, —
Yet what I can I give Him, —
Give my heart.

“In this bleak mid-winter” as the Christina Rossetti poem and lyrics go, “yet what I can give Him, give my heart.” As we conclude the Advent season, I resound “I can and will give my heart”. We all must in order to survive this harsh world.

Posted in anxious, blessings, care, community, cousin, depression, die, Emotional, empty, failure, faith, Family, feelings, God, house, hurt, job, joy, love, Mental, mercy, neighbor, pain, People, Physical, prayer, water, weep

Lavish Love

Posted on by deannagreensandgardenart

Some days I feel people just don’t even give a damn. Other days it hurts to see those you love in pain, physical or emotional anguish. I holler out, “God, where is Your mercy, Your justice.” Then other days when the flood waters rise, it is hard to see God in it. We prayed for rain after 100+ degree temps and no rain for days this scorching summer. We got it alright in one stormy night of 8 -12 inches of rain. Destruction surrounds us and the local news captures the next devastating story of the flash floods. One person dead. 10 puppies from a stray rescue facility drown. Basements and houses fill with water. Businesses close. No flood insurance for most. Is this the Noah’s ark story being told again, I wonder? I attended the funeral service for my uncle this week. A man wrongly accused the latter days of his life. My cousin cried. Many of us shed our own tears, crying for mercy.

The pastor who shared at my uncle’s eulogy reminded us of the beautiful Japanese art form that is made from broken fragments. Nothing is wasted, everything made beautiful it its time. Ravishing lavish love, this is what I want. Flooding in. It’s what we all want. People will fail, just living this life will disappoint, but God does not. His love is perfect. Let Him fill that emptiness you feel with His perfect love. The anxiety about your present-day situation will subside. Feeling overwhelmed is real . . . Stop now. Pray. Count your blessings. Your cup will overflow with His love. Families, neighbors, and the community have come and will come together to help those in need. People and pets are rescued. Officials and first responders care and continue to share the burden. Jesus is carrying you. He cares.

“May mercy, peace, and love be lavished on you!” ~ Jude 1:2

Posted in addiction, care, change, choice, depression, doom, follow, forgiveness, God, grace, hurt, insecurity, Jesus, life, man, pain, repent, sin, sinful woman, strength, truth, woman

A Fleeting Moment

Posted on by deannagreensandgardenart

Many of us live for a fleeting moment and pleasure. I know I have been guilty of such. We get so wrapped up into this earthly life, some days it is just surviving and other days on top of the world. Distractions like the idle chasing of butterflies, that bowl of ice cream x 3, another sugary coffee drink, the I-phone or computer screen. Momentary pleasures of a smoke or two, alcoholic drink of choice, the betting game until you win, another frivolous purchase, or floating high on a mind-altering drug without a care in the world, all these possible addictions mask the cold hard truths of life, pain, and depression. Like the painting Ship of Fools by Carl Dobsky, our doom may be just a few feet away.

Yesterday’s Gospel reading was about the woman caught in adultery and how Jesus extended grace to her but warned her “sin no more”. The priest opened the homily with “we all have been caught with the hand in the cookie jar.” Either by stealing, gossiping, gazing at internet porn, cheating on your taxes, telling untruths, slacking on the job, etc. The priest brought up an interesting question, what about the man, why was not he brought before judgement like the woman? The priest suggested that the adulterous man ran faster than the accusers. Any case he will still stand before God’s judgement. God looks for a repented heart, that is where you make a round-about change in direction from the wrongdoing.

The grace of God covers our sins when we confess them to Him. Addictions make it difficult to truly repent, but it is possible by calling on Him for strength. It is a day-by-day battle, for some minute-by-minute journey. Insecurities and unmet needs can lead us the wrong direction. Justifications can set in. I remember the day many years ago I had to choose what direction I was to take, to continue hanging around bad company, or take a different path with the mocking and ridicule to follow. I am so happy Jesus led me His Way. “I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life …” (John 14:6) Jesus tells each of us.

Posted in Ann Voskamp, anxious, authors, body, comfort, compassion, cross, cry, Emotional, fear, God, health, heart, Holy Spirit, insecurity, Jesus, love, mind, pain, passion, People, Physical, prayer, restore, sad, scripture, secure, spirit, Spiritual, trust, woman, worry

Inside My Aching Heart

Posted on by deannagreensandgardenart

An ear infection lead me to the urgent care before we left for vacation. My blood pressure was alarmingly high. The urgent care sent a report to my primary care, and she messaged me while on our 2-week vacation to take my blood pressure the next few days, and send her the readings. Still high and some chest discomfort soon after our multi-state road trip, I was in the doctor’s office when I got back to reality. Referred to a cardiologist and more testing, we discovered I have an arrthymtic heart condition. I have premature ventricular contractions (PVCs) that cause echo beats. This Friday I meet with my doctor to discuss what I need to do to take care of my physical heart besides take a beta blocker and lose weight. Questions flood my brain … How did I acquire this condition? When will I feel myself again? Can I return to speed walking as that helps in my weight loss efforts? How long has this arrhythmia been going on? I know I have not felt myself in a long while. I am tired much of the time. Not sleeping well most nights. I have become anxious with my relationships and social settings. I thought that was because of the COVID social distancing for too many days. This learnt introvert does not trust people easily. Trauma does powerful things to one’s mind, body, and soul. I cannot take anxiety meds, as they upset my digestive system so bad, and that causes more anxiety as I worry if I will find a bathroom in time when I go out. I am an insecure woman right now who doesn’t feel or even know if I am loved by those I have been close to over the years. I feel out of rhythm and vulnerable. The ironic thing is my physical heart is going through the same, out of sync and aching. Which came first, my aching physical heart, my stifled emotional heart, or my parched spiritual heart?

I suppose it doesn’t matter which was first. God wants to restore all three. Where do I start? My foundations, the Word of God and prayer. I recall Holy Scriptures that says I am “fearfully and wonderfully made”. In 1 Samuel 16:7 it says “The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” King David’s prayer wells inside me into a song … “Create in me a clean heart, and renew a right spirit in me. Cast me not away from thy presence, take not thy Holy Spirit from me, and restore onto me the joy of thy salvation, and renew a right spirit in me.” Psalm 51: 10 -12. I cannot hide from this truth nor the truth inside myself. The truth is I feel unsteady, insecure and timid right now in life. I do not know how long I will feel this way. With God’s help I will come out of this. I need to get my spiritual heart right first.

Author Ann Voskamp so eloquently writes . . .These days feel like a flood of heartache . . . And there’s not one moment God doesn’t feel that with us. “His heart was filled with pain” (Genesis 6:6). God has a heart . . . and it hurts. It hurts with what hurts us. His heart hurts not just with a few drops of ache, not just with a slow drip of sadness—the whole expanse of His heart fills, swells, weighs dark with this storm of pain. God, who hung the stars—He has taken a thread of His heart and tied it to yours. And He didn’t need to, but God tied His heart to yours — so when you feel pain, He fills with pain. Time only continues on in this impossibly suffering world because God Himself is willing to keep suffering the impossible with us. We read the headlines and wonder, lay in our own beds way too late at night & soundlessly cry: If there’s a God who really cares, He’d look at this world and His heart would break. And God looks to the Cross, and says, “My heart did. ”On that Cross, they speared His side and pierced straight into His heart, filled with pain, and it was the water and blood of His broken heart that gushed right out, a flood of love. Grace—it, too, has floods of its own. . . . The way heaven comes down so we can rise. In a world of grief beyond magnitude, what will change us and the world, is the attitude of Beatitudes. “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” In a world that doesn’t feel fair — His cruciform love and outstretched arms embrace us — so what we feel is Him. No one knows more than Jesus that this world isn’t fair — and no one loves us to death like Jesus, until everything is fair for forever. In a world of loss — the deeply suffering are deeply touched by the suffering of Christ. We do not weep alone. No matter what happens in this busted-up world in the days ahead, in your own beautiful world: Pray. He listens & He holds. “When you call on Me, when you come & pray to Me, I’ll listen…I’ll give you strength. I’ll help you. I’ll hold you steady” Jeremiah 29:12, Isaiah 41:10MSG #TheBrokenWay#WeepingTogether

The physical and emotional heart healings will come . . .

Posted in battle, compassion, crown, darkness, death, die, Family, flower, friend, gift, glory, God, holy, husband, Jesus, love, night, pain, passion, scripture, triumph, victory, write

Passion and Compassion

Posted on by deannagreensandgardenart

What passion do you have in your life? A passion to write, a passion to travel, a passion to love, or a passion to start or return to a different career, hobby, or relationship? “The word passion comes from Latin root pati-, meaning suffering, or enduring. Thus, compassion means to suffer-with: the compassionate aren’t immune to other people’s pain. And passion is, at its core, a form of pain that demands it be quenched. It’s not for the faint of heart or those who lack patience — which is not the ability to wait, but the ability to suffer,” quoting Vivek Haldar.

My passion to write is so strong that I awake in the middle of the night or the wee hours of a morning with the burning desire to get my thoughts out on paper, either handwriting or typing. This morning is one of those wee hour awakenings. Dean and I’s vacation revealed Jesus in the midst of visits with family and friends and the scenery. Photos along the way captured the crown of thorns, the wooden cross, the blood of Jesus, and the glory of our Risen Lord. Our early springtime travels were in Arkansas and Texas followed by visiting family in Lee’s Summit, MO. On Good Friday we made our drive to Lexington, MO for our 2nd COVID vaccine. Feeling lethargic and achy since Friday I finally succumbed to sleep, awoke to write and back to sleep for a few more hours.

I have a burning desire to share with you the passion, of our Lord Jesus. Because of what Jesus suffered on the Cross, we can have co-passion or compassion. He made the ultimate sacrifice for you and I. He loved us so much, that he suffered death on the Cross. God’s love is experienced through Jesus Christ. “How great is the love the Father lavished on us that we should be called children of God … This is how God showed his love among us. He sent His one and only Son into the world that we might live through Him. This is love; not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.” ~ 1 John 3:1 and 4: 9 & 10. It is Jesus, and Jesus alone why I can say “God loves me” and “God loves you”. “This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid His life for us,” the Holy Scriptures tell us. Jesus won the battle, even death on the cross could not hold Him back. Jesus is alive today! Accept Jesus’ love into your hearts today! Thank You, Jesus for this gift of love shared with each and every one of us this Easter Day!