The melancholy mood I have been in these past days can be for several reasons. Autumn is bittersweet. “Every leaf speaks bliss to me, fluttering from the autumn tree” writes Emily Bronte. I should be counting my blessings with every leaf I see fall. The cooler breeze and vibrant colored leaves are so pleasant, but at the same time a reminder that winter is close behind. The autumn season has held the celebrations of multiple birthdays. My mother’s 80th this year, cause for a party she is still with us. But I lost my father and grandfather both during the month of October. “I Still Miss Someone” a song sung by Johnny Cash and Bill Monroe written by Carl Perkins speaks what I feel today, this overcast autumn day. Missing Dad and Grandpa. Missing the love I saw in Mom and Dad. Despite their differences, they stayed together.
At my door the leaves are falling
A cold wild wind has come
Sweethearts walk by together
And I still miss someone …
On several occasions I have had an older gentleman ask me “where did you come from” or “from what place are you from”. He forgets what I told him the last time, so he asks time and again “whence you come from?”. Here is the definition of the word “whence” and the use of this phase …
from whence (adverb)
from what place or source.
from whence (adverb)
from which; from where.
- to the place from which.
- as a consequence of which
In the physical realm I came from my mother & father, who met at the grocery store chain they both worked at in the mid – late 50’s, married in 1958. I am their third child. Their firstborn is my older brother by 17 months. And then came my identical twin sister, born 7 minutes before I. The doctor and my parents were not expecting me, as my mother did not show signs have being pregnant with twins. Remember ultrasound was not used back in 1960. Right before my twin sister was born, they felt what they thought might be a “tumor”, but lo and behold, it was me, a 2nd baby barely over 5 lbs. My parents waited, and my little brother followed 3-1/2 years later. Mom said “if the pope wanted her to have another baby right after my twin sister and I, he can raise them”. Born and raised in Missouri, we lived in a small town subdivision for my first 8 years, and then lived on a tree farm in the same county for another 10 years before moving across the state to go to college.
In the spiritual realm, I am a child of the Living God, predestined for His wonderful plans. “In Him we were also chosen having been predestined according to the plan of Him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of His will … having believed, you were marked in Him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit … live a life worthy of the calling you have received”, the book of Ephesians tells us. This is where I come from, from our Father, Lord Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit.
Life evolves, perpetually moving. Hopefully, forward. But maybe we would rather live in the past, the good ole’ days? I dream of the whimsy of unhurried days. Summer afternoon napping in a hammock under a willow tree. Leisurely walking the shoreline combing the white sand for a treasured seashell or starfish left behind by the ocean blue waves. Sunday autumn walks spotting the brightest red leaved tree. Hot tea and freshly baked scones for a winter snack gathered with my youngsters. Life is not so easy-going while working full-time hours as a human resources professional. Commuting, family obligations and responsibilities, bills, and then keeping house for our two homes. I am sure it is not easy as a carpenter in the summer heat. Or the 1000 sandwiches prepared for another hungry crowd. Or the school teacher putting together lesson plans and then teaching them to the 100 & 1 needs of the students you are responsible for. The disabled or elderly making doctor appointments and their thinning budgets.
Do we really have it all with our careers, 2000 + square-foot homes, high-ticket sports events and concerts, organic foodie plates at $50 per, high-tech computer programs, phone apps, texting, social media posts, networking breakfasts, and so on & so on? Recent weekends while antiquing for my husband and I’s newly acquired get-away house has prompted history lessons. We ask each other why this piece of furniture or household tool was used back in 1940 or another era. Think back on those less hurried days, many items make sense. I better understand my parents’ and grandparents’ generations. Their tight-fist around the piggy bank, renovated solid wood tables and reupholstered chairs, no big screen TVs but large radios for the living quarters’ entertainment and news, dishes galore because they did not “go out” to eat, and a plethora of tools to fix that broken whatever. Maybe life was unhurried because it could not be with the lengthy meal preparations and length of time to repair or build? Maybe life wasn’t so easy back then. Maybe it just seems that way, because life is not easy now? Pioneer author Laura Ingalls Wilder once wrote, “Sometimes I wonder if telephones and motor cars are altogether blessings … When my neighbor gets into her car, it is almost sure to run for twelve to fifteen miles before she can stop it, and that takes it way down the road past me.” Mrs. Wilder recognized how modernization changed her social connections. I know it affects mine.
I read non-fiction books and articles to find out who I am or who I want to be (or not be). Marie Kondo encourages us in her book The Life-Changing Magic Of Tidying Up, “the space in which we live should be for the person we are becoming now, not for the person we were in the past”. Such an easy concept, live the now and look to the future rather than the past. But I would have to challenge those words and their meaning. I agree with the concept of this book, de-cluttering and making your home or office space functional, becoming a better person. But the past is why we are who are now, and this will carry to the future. I rather filter the past, keep the nuggets of wisdom of the past generations, use for guidance. Learn from and not repeat their mistakes, but I will surely make my own. That antique end table or butter dish reminds me of past generations’ input into my life, directly or indirectly. Their legacy, history makes me and you who we are now and what we will become in the days to come. I ask you to think on someone in your past or from your history lessons. What is one sentence this person would say to you right now that can effect your today and tomorrow in a positive manner?
The gift, a friend, a child, a grandchild, your spouse, your parent, or a pet. Unconditional love. That is the gift. Sent from God. Who in your life represents God’s heart and love? Who have you shared God’s heart by loving them? Who needs to know that love?
So happy to know God’s unconditional love, His forgiveness, His Son, Jesus my Redeemer and Savior as our example, role model. No one else is the Perfect role model. My Jesus. Your Jesus, too.
This Woman Warrior writes to share the challenges, battles, and triumph cries of women such as myself and you. This blog has brewed in the 4-part curriculum “Beyond Resilience” I have written for the employees at my full-time human resources job in a local government entity. With the recent news from my daughter, Elisabeth, and the beginnings of her fight against breast cancer, I felt it is time to share words with the whole world what I and so many other women encounter. Elisabeth came from the womb a fighter. A woman warrior. She will beat this damned cancer. She has a legion of angels who surround her, and prayer warriors interceding for a complete healing. It will be Elisabeth’s toughest battle yet in her 32-years of life, but she will win!
The focus of this blog is on women, common and not so common battles we fight as warriors in this world and beyond. These are physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, and vocational battles. We struggle with our health, self-esteem, acceptance, forgiveness, as well as financial and job securities. Real life stuff. This blog is not a political platform to bash political parties or leaders. Nor is it to bash the men folk in our lives. I need men in my life, and I am sure you as well. Oh, how I miss my father today. Our men folk fight their share of battles, too.
We women need each other! We need to stop fighting, malicious gossip, and comparing ourselves to each other. God has made us each unique and perfect. Let us work together towards better purposes. Today I need you to pray for my Elisabeth, her husband, her children, and her supporting family which includes me. Love, faith, and strength unceasing during this battle. A victory cry awaits.
So much to write about in the near and farther future. My Elisabeth may set up your own WordPress blog soon. She wants to share her ups and downs of this battle against cancer, so maybe someone else can learn from her life and words. Elisabeth is a wise woman warrior.