Posted in death, differences, gift, God, Jesus, language, love, neighbor, People, Physical, prayer, scripture, sick, time, words

Above All

The word “love” is interwoven in God’s Holy Scriptures approximately 310 times, depending on which version you read. It would be remised to ignore the importance God places on love. Of course, the most referenced is 1 Corinthians 13, “Love is patient, love is kind … love endures all things”. Jesus’ love is the most perfect.

Why do we have a difficult time feeling love towards others or showing acts of love? Or in the reverse, accepting others’ love towards oneself? Some of it is just recognizing the differences between people. A person’s love language can be words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and/or physical touch. Yours might be different than your neighbor’s, spouse’s, sibling’s, parent’s, co-worker’s. Sometimes we don’t give love because we are wrapped up in our own life, being selfish with our time, and don’t want to be inconvenienced. It may be envy or arrogance that stands in the way. Or is it you have been hurt by someone on multiple occasions? You do not want to be set-up again for offense or disappointment another time. Is that person incapable of receiving love? Pray for God to reach them.

Some things are meant to be left undone, so that others God has appointed can carry the torch to the finish line. But does it take sickness and death to know that some things like love are meant to be for now, forever, and always?

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. ~ 1 Peter 4:8

Posted in color, die, flower, hope, husband, Jesus, Lazarus, Martha, Mary, prayer, quiet, rain, refresh, renew, rest, restore, scripture, season, silence, sorrow, Spiritual, stillness, words

Spring Getaways

My front door now pops with Spring. I found a bargain moss basket as well as dainty greenery and flowers to put inside for the “Welcome” metal art piece. Even a little nest with the florals. The birds had pecked at the wreath I had placed on the door for the past three Springs, looking rather bald on one side. Time for replacing and refreshing with different textures and colors. Is not that what Spring is? Renewal.

“In the spring time, the only pretty ring time, when birds do sing, hey ding a ding, ding; sweet lovers love the spring.”

William Shakespeare, As You Like It

It was time for our Spring fling. My husband and I love road trips, short ones and long. This time only 2 hours from home for a town and country weekend away. Spring rains follow us to a Swedish-style hideaway.  Hygge at its best, we find Spring with the frogs’ croaks, bird tweets, flowering plum trees, and tender green sprigs sprouting in the woods.  Using my hooded poncho and Dean the umbrella, we keep somewhat dry walking to the welcoming forsythia-wreathed door. We fiddle with the door code, breathing each other’s space, and finally figure out the magic touch.  Inside a string of lights on a tree and small table lamp greet us this rainy afternoon.  Dean fetches our remaining bags and hung clothes.  I remove my wet poncho and find a hook to hang it on to dry.  My packed throw in our luggage quickly becomes the desired item to snuggle up into after our short excursion in the Spring rain.  Dean joins me on the comfy couch for a short nap until our dinnertime plans.

That perfect weekend leads us to another work week. Taught a spring baking class one evening. I recently trained for a full-time human resources position and felt it not a good fit. The training was meager as well as too different from what my previous experience had been with employee benefits. I had a difficult time retaining the necessary details due to this stressful time, many sleepless nights. A week after I had started this position my daughter and family’s house burned down. And Dean’s mother suffered a stroke that just about killed her last month. More adequate housing arrangements have been made for them.

I spend time in the quiet. Being still. Each day listening to the songbirds outside our cottage home’s windows. Gleaning a word or two in the Holy Scriptures. Praying. This week I think about Mary, Martha, and Lazarus. Mary’s belief in Jesus. The miracle, He raised Lazarus, Mary’s and Martha’s brother from the dead. The stench of death did not permeate. Jesus made anew, fresh Life when it seemed hopeless. My Jesus, make fresh Life for my daughter and her family. Make fresh Life for my mother-in-law and father-in-law in their new home setting. Make fresh Life in me.

Posted in Ann Voskamp, anxious, authors, body, comfort, compassion, cross, cry, Emotional, fear, God, health, heart, Holy Spirit, insecurity, Jesus, love, mind, pain, passion, People, Physical, prayer, restore, sad, scripture, secure, spirit, Spiritual, trust, woman, worry

Inside My Aching Heart

An ear infection lead me to the urgent care before we left for vacation. My blood pressure was alarmingly high. The urgent care sent a report to my primary care, and she messaged me while on our 2-week vacation to take my blood pressure the next few days, and send her the readings. Still high and some chest discomfort soon after our multi-state road trip, I was in the doctor’s office when I got back to reality. Referred to a cardiologist and more testing, we discovered I have an arrthymtic heart condition. I have premature ventricular contractions (PVCs) that cause echo beats. This Friday I meet with my doctor to discuss what I need to do to take care of my physical heart besides take a beta blocker and lose weight. Questions flood my brain … How did I acquire this condition? When will I feel myself again? Can I return to speed walking as that helps in my weight loss efforts? How long has this arrhythmia been going on? I know I have not felt myself in a long while. I am tired much of the time. Not sleeping well most nights. I have become anxious with my relationships and social settings. I thought that was because of the COVID social distancing for too many days. This learnt introvert does not trust people easily. Trauma does powerful things to one’s mind, body, and soul. I cannot take anxiety meds, as they upset my digestive system so bad, and that causes more anxiety as I worry if I will find a bathroom in time when I go out. I am an insecure woman right now who doesn’t feel or even know if I am loved by those I have been close to over the years. I feel out of rhythm and vulnerable. The ironic thing is my physical heart is going through the same, out of sync and aching. Which came first, my aching physical heart, my stifled emotional heart, or my parched spiritual heart?

I suppose it doesn’t matter which was first. God wants to restore all three. Where do I start? My foundations, the Word of God and prayer. I recall Holy Scriptures that says I am “fearfully and wonderfully made”. In 1 Samuel 16:7 it says “The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” King David’s prayer wells inside me into a song … “Create in me a clean heart, and renew a right spirit in me. Cast me not away from thy presence, take not thy Holy Spirit from me, and restore onto me the joy of thy salvation, and renew a right spirit in me.” Psalm 51: 10 -12. I cannot hide from this truth nor the truth inside myself. The truth is I feel unsteady, insecure and timid right now in life. I do not know how long I will feel this way. With God’s help I will come out of this. I need to get my spiritual heart right first.

Author Ann Voskamp so eloquently writes . . .These days feel like a flood of heartache . . . And there’s not one moment God doesn’t feel that with us. “His heart was filled with pain” (Genesis 6:6). God has a heart . . . and it hurts. It hurts with what hurts us. His heart hurts not just with a few drops of ache, not just with a slow drip of sadness—the whole expanse of His heart fills, swells, weighs dark with this storm of pain. God, who hung the stars—He has taken a thread of His heart and tied it to yours. And He didn’t need to, but God tied His heart to yours — so when you feel pain, He fills with pain. Time only continues on in this impossibly suffering world because God Himself is willing to keep suffering the impossible with us. We read the headlines and wonder, lay in our own beds way too late at night & soundlessly cry: If there’s a God who really cares, He’d look at this world and His heart would break. And God looks to the Cross, and says, “My heart did. ”On that Cross, they speared His side and pierced straight into His heart, filled with pain, and it was the water and blood of His broken heart that gushed right out, a flood of love. Grace—it, too, has floods of its own. . . . The way heaven comes down so we can rise. In a world of grief beyond magnitude, what will change us and the world, is the attitude of Beatitudes. “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” In a world that doesn’t feel fair — His cruciform love and outstretched arms embrace us — so what we feel is Him. No one knows more than Jesus that this world isn’t fair — and no one loves us to death like Jesus, until everything is fair for forever. In a world of loss — the deeply suffering are deeply touched by the suffering of Christ. We do not weep alone. No matter what happens in this busted-up world in the days ahead, in your own beautiful world: Pray. He listens & He holds. “When you call on Me, when you come & pray to Me, I’ll listen…I’ll give you strength. I’ll help you. I’ll hold you steady” Jeremiah 29:12, Isaiah 41:10MSG #TheBrokenWay#WeepingTogether

The physical and emotional heart healings will come . . .

Posted in children, daughter, education, faith, God, grace, grandchild, husband, love, mother, People, prayer, resilience, scripture, trust

Mother of Pearl

The mother of pearl stone fell out of my class ring about 3 months ago.  I noticed a hollow cavity in the ring after a shower one morning.  My assumption is it popped out while taking a shower or while I gardened. My sweet husband knew how significant that ring was.  I worked hard at age 40 to finally complete my BA degree, and graduated with summa cum laude honors.  Dean looked up the information, and this ring maker guaranteed their work for my lifetime.  We packed it up and it was sent back to me within a month as promised.  Beautifully restored and cleaned.  Mother of pearl symbolizes restored trust and selfless love.  And this is what my BA degree did for me, restored my trust in people, love, and the reward for hard work.  The mother of pearl stone reminds me of my children, and the selfless love of a mother.  My daughters have done a much better job at this than I.  Being a grandmother has been much easier for me, and still an opportunity for a positive influence.

This week I was reminded at the Fearless Women’s gathering how God is in control.  Whenever we feel like we need to fix someone or a situation, remind self “they are My children”.  God loves our children and others more than we ever could.  He knows best! “For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.” ~ Ephesians 2:10.   “Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me His own.” ~ Philippians 3:12.  “For nothing will be impossible with God.” ~ Luke 1:37.