The year 2025 goes down in my journal as a seesaw year. Up with the birth of my great-grandson and the completion of my memoir, but down with my physical health and the loss of loved ones. This up and down effected my emotional and spiritual vitality throughout the year. Last year I wrote a series of haikus for a writing challenge and entitled the mini book Balancing the Seesaw. One haiku I capsulated with these words … “Joy for the moment, casting all cares aside, swinging to the heights.” True joy isn’t just for a moment. I learned much as I had more to surrender to, look at the truth and embrace it, and glean wisdom from on high. Health has been my main challenge, and the death of friends and another family member was just about too much. Yet God showed Himself faithful as always. I have worked through this difficult year gaining strength in many areas of my life. Emotions can sometimes deceive. The Holy Spirit continues to guide me and those I love like my daughters, Rachel and Elisabeth. Step by step, day by day. Grace abounds.
Pain speaks loudly when the body isn’t functioning as it should. I had to listen to my body. In March began a string of many medical tests, x-rays, and exams. I have lumbar and cervical discs misaligned as well as arthritis found in almost every joint x-rayed thus far. For years we believed I had osteoarthritis but this autumn the pain source was diagnosed as the autoimmune type of arthritis, rheumatoid (RA). I am one of the rare ones whose blood tests do not show RA, but the x-rays and MRIs showed plenty of arthritic damage. Physical therapy and medications have me continuing to work in the kitchen of the local senior center, but with limited hours. I will cut back my hours even more starting in January. The medical reports referred to my hands as “deformed”. Through the years my hands have faithfully served me and my efforts to serve others. These appendages just cannot do what they once could. At first the truth was heart-wrenching, but I am working through the reality daily.
“The joy of the Lord is my strength.” ~ Nehemiah 8:10
The truth be told I am still learning to be the owner of my own joy. Over the years many hobbies have been a source of joy to me, most requiring the use of my hands. Sewing, crafting, gardening, cooking, and then writing in my more recent years. While at the Clarksville Writers’ Conference the keynote speaker and author, Margaret Renkl shared, ” I refuse to quell this joy.” She encouraged the listener, “learn to pay attention by writing, painting, drawing.” My writing has become so essential to my everyday living. I have become attentive to what others would call “small matters.” My writing will continue, if need be, through voice-activated writing. Over the years, history has shown people with severe deprivation still find joy. It is a mindset. My mind is set on “the joy of the Lord is my strength.” I find joy and will continue to find joy despite it all by the grace of God.
“And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work.” ~ 2 Corinthians 9:8
Woman Warrior 