Posted in book, God, home, memoir, provision, quote, scripture, season, walk, warm, weather, write

My Hiding Place

These days into mid-autumn have been slow. We all went through the painful federal furlough. It was like walking in the dark bumping into the furniture. And for many not without injury to their budgets and daily necessities. Dean and I buckled down on our spending the past 6 weeks. We cooked from scratch, had the crock out a few times to make that whole chicken stretch for 3 or 4 meals, cheap entertainment like reading books, writing, and a free visit to the art museum with friends. The cooler weather made it easy to stay indoors, but we did manage to get a few walks in the neighborhood and on historic Main Street in our hometown of St. Charles on those warmer days.

“You are my hiding place. You will protect me from trouble, and surround me with songs of deliverance.” ~ Psalm 32:7

Buckling down also made me more aware of those provisions God gives daily, hourly, and every minute of my day. Another morning to wake up to, a warm bed to sleep in, running water, a heating pad for my arthritic joints, hands that still chop and stir for the seniors in our community as well as Dean and I, and other simple pleasures of home. The Almighty’s power and that soft power of home that provides daily. I am surrounded. I am in His hiding place.

Posted in body, God, pain, Physical, provision, scripture, song, spirit, Spiritual, strength, thankful

My Strength and My Song

Living with pain is not easy. I am distracted with this sciatic pain, encompassing my lower back, right hip, and down my right leg into my foot. Quite a challenge to keep at tasks as well as during down times. “In everything give thanks” the holy scriptures reminds me, even during throbbing, trailing pain.

The Lord is my strength and my song; He has become my salvation.” ~ Psalm 118:14

This Monday morning after a weekend drive to Chicagoland and back, my sciatic nerve is in full flare-up. My body is not enjoying car rides even with stops and stretching every two hours. And this October requires weekend travel.

I talk to my body while in the hot shower saying, “You are doing this. You are going to get dressed for work, go to work, and complete your tasks.” Then out of my mouth comes the worship song “You are my strength and my song …” My spirit speaks above my body. If I am in pain, I am not aware while my spirit sings to my mighty God. “You are my strength and my song …” God truly is my strength and the reason for my song. I got through another productive day at work, helped provide delicious meals for 100 people today. Praise to our saving Lord! He provides again for this day!

Posted in heart, Jesus, pain, Physical, scripture, Spiritual, thankful, truth, words, write

What Kind of Words

What kind of words come from my lips when I am in arthritic pain? Kind words? Not most of the time. I stay silent as this is better than cursing. But if truth be told, if cursing is your only expression while in pain, go for it. Your existence matters, whether kind words come out or the sobering truth words are uttered aloud.

“Be thankful in all circumstances. This is what God wants from you in your life in union with Christ Jesus.

~ 1 Thessalonians 5:18 GNT

Words of gratitude is what I aim for. I started a daily gratitude practice this month. On paper I list out three things I am thankful for each morning. It ranges from my arthritic joints, my breath, boundaries, a budget, Earl Grey tea, blueberry kuchen, my job, skills to be able to work, my Dean, my Rachel, my Elisabeth, my Ben, knowing my father and mother for many years, an ability to write, communication, words … the list goes on and on. Pain is such an annoying state of being. So many of us bear through it. Several of my loved ones lived with it and others still live with it.

My prayer and words of encouragement are to take your pain to the arms of Jesus. He is there for you always! Whether it be physical and/or emotional pain, He is wanting your heart, curse words, and all. Words of thanks are what changes your heart.

Posted in compassion, Emotional, eyes, faith, God, heart, heaven, hope, Mental, mercy, Physical, prayer, scripture, Spiritual, temporal

A Heart Knowing

Do you ever talk until your blue in the face, like talking to a wall or deaf ears? Maybe the trouble is that the person you are trying to reach has a stoppage somewhere. Either the head doesn’t know, or it is that the heart doesn’t know, or both.

Uh, prayer! Prayer for me for more patience. And prayer for him to open up his doors to God’s heart of compassion and mercy. Look beyond what can be seen with the physical eyes. Big eyes of faith, I call to our Father for this because I lack right now.

To have faith is to be sure of the things we hope for, to be certain of the things we cannot see. ~ Hebrews 11:1 GNT

And for him, that he realize what is more important. The physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual well-being of our loved ones or stuff, stuff that is temporal. Give each of us a heart knowing and then, living out God’s heart in these matters. Two hearts melting together for a heavenly purpose.

 For we fix our attention, not on things that are seen, but on things that are unseen. What can be seen lasts only for a time, but what cannot be seen lasts forever. ~ 2 Corinthians 4:18 GNT

Posted in faith, God, goodness, Holy Spirit, humble, Jesus, kind, love, patient, peace, power, prayer, rest, scripture, self-control, Spiritual

Our Higher Power

The Father sends the Advocate as my representative—that is, the Holy Spirit—he will teach you everything and will remind you of everything I have told you. ~ John 14:26 NLT

I don’t claim to know everything. I am learning along the way. One fact I know is Jesus is alive today in you and me. The Holy Spirit resides in us. Have you made yourself aware, are you available to hear our God’s promptings? Are you listening? I know there is a higher power watching over the comings and goings of you and me. And that higher power is the Holy Spirit. That same Spirit that raised up Jesus Christ from the dead lives in you and me as Romans 8:11 reminds us. Over 2000 years ago Pentecost Sunday brought the promise that we, too can live with the Holy Spirit’s guidance, comfort, and power.

And if the Spirit of God, who raised up Jesus from the dead, lives in you, he will make your dying bodies live again after you die, by means of this same Holy Spirit living within you. ~ Romans 8:11 TLB

The Spirit also comes to help us, weak as we are. For we do not know how we ought to pray; the Spirit himself pleads with God for us in groans that words cannot express. ~ Romans 20:26 GNT

Some days I feel weak, I feel my hands are tied, my brain fried trying to figure it out, running at full speed, then brake just before hitting a brick wall. When I stop my motions long enough, pray, and listen to our Father God, and do what Jesus would do, then the fruits of the Spirit are evident.

“The Spirit produces love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, humility, and self-control …” ~ Galatians 5:22 – 23.

Posted in care, comfort, faith, God, Jesus, need, People, Physical, prayer, scripture, Spiritual

The Sheep of His Pasture

I need Your tender, loving care. The Good Sheperd, guide me the way I should go, provide for my every need. You know me better than I know me. We each are the sheep of Your pasture. Not one of us go astray.

The Lord Our Shepherd

23 The Lord is my shepherd;
    I have everything I need.
He lets me rest in fields of green grass
    and leads me to quiet pools of fresh water.
He gives me new strength.
He guides me in the right paths,
    as he has promised.
Even if I go through the deepest darkness,
    I will not be afraid, Lord,
    for you are with me.
Your shepherd’s rod and staff protect me.

You prepare a banquet for me,
    where all my enemies can see me;
you welcome me as an honored guest
    and fill my cup to the brim.
I know that your goodness and love will be with me all my life;
    and your house will be my home as long as I live.

Posted in care, comfort, darkness, day, envy, feelings, give, God, grace, hate, jealousy, kind, light, love, People, scripture, Spiritual, strong

Love Will Find A Way

Love is seen and felt in so many places and ways. Unless you are giving it or looking for it through God’s lens, most days it seems love doesn’t come knocking on your door. It seems selfishness, jealousy, envy, hatred, rejection, uncaring, and lust are the common themes that this world hands out in droves. I am so relieved that God’s Word tells us that we can love because God loved us first. His Word also reminds us that we are chosen, enough, strong, brave, victorious, unique, capable, and beautiful.

“We love each other because He loved us first.”

~ 1 John 4:19 NLT

Last week my husband and I took a mid-southwest vacation to Arkansas, Oklahoma, and Texas. Our vacations are half planned with time and space left for whimsical stops and visits. One of my Dean’s wishes was a visit to the Oklahoma City National Memorial Museum. The federal building bombing happened 30 years ago this April. This incident was so impressionable back then and still is. What was an unspeakable act of hatred that killed 168 people and injured hundreds more became a beckon of hope in God’s love in His people. This community and our nation rallied around determined to beat hatred with love. God’s justice prevailed.

As a souvenir and reminder of the love gathered at the memorial service almost 30 years ago, I bought a teddy bear at the gift shop. The bear is similar to the ones gifted by Illinois’ first lady to Oklahoma’s first lady in 1995, then handed out to the family and friends of the bombing victims attending the memorial service. Just one example of God’s love and grace. So many other provisions of comfort, kindness, and grace continue to be extended. Love wins!

“A Day of Darkness. Years of Light.” ~ Oklahoma City

Posted in breathe, brother, challenges, comfort, day, death, devastation, Family, feelings, friend, God, grief, heart, help, Holy Spirit, hurt, Jesus, love, need, pain, praise, prayer, scripture, sorrow

The Grief

This day before the winter solstice is a cold blustery day. It is colder this afternoon than it was when I was up at 5am this morning. The forecast promises the winter solstice to be the same. The cold wind slaps my face and takes my breath away like the cold-hard fact that my brother is not here on earth any longer.

The grief of it all is too much some days. I went into my boss’ office the other day and had a “good cry”. Just days ago I wrote on my other blog a post about my 65-year-old brother’s untimely death, and how good will come of it. Today, I am thinking, why, God? What good comes from the death of a loved one? And if only Dean or I had been available to take Rick and Joan to the airport, so he wouldn’t have had to clean the snow off their car and have that heart incident the day they arrived back at Lambert Field.

I know I am bargaining now. I cannot reverse what has been done. The “if only” cannot change the outcome. Bargaining is one of the stages of grief. This online resource describes the 5 or 7 stages of grief. These are the basic five: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. The seven stages expand on the five: shock/denial, pain/guilt, anger/bargaining, depression, the upward turn, reconstruction/working through, and acceptance/hope.

A friend of ours lost his son and two grandchildren in a fatal car accident on Tuesday. The pain these friends and their family are feeling must be incredibly deep. The wife and mother of the two children, I cannot even fathom where her heart is right now. All I can do is pray, “God, gracious Father, send your Holy Spirit to comfort. Bring each sorrow to a place where a healing salve gently massages the raw, open heart to receive Your Love, Your Words, Your Comfort.”

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God." ~ 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 NIV
Posted in aim, baby, choice, energy, feelings, give, holy, hope, husband, joy, life, nature, path, present, quote, regret, scripture, season, thankful, write

What Am I Aiming For?

My husband and I recently had a visit with a nephew, his lovely wife, and their adorable 3-month-old baby girl. Being with this young family brings us back three or four decades, when we each were up in the middle of night for diaper changes, feedings and then, trying to catch a few ZZZ’s during the baby’s daytime naps. Nothing compares to the joys of those cuddles in the rocking chair.

“There is a large measure of joy in ordinary moments ” ~ Susan Gale Wickes

I feel I rushed those moments that turned into years while looking for the next season and stages of life. Isn’t it living in the present moment that is most essential? Watching the birds feed and protect their young warms my heart. Time spent in nature with the trees, rivers, beach, and meadows of wildflowers calms any qualms. Writing poems and short stories keep me balanced along with reading Holy Scriptures and inspirational words.

The feeling of regret is uncomfortable; therefore, I have chosen to slow down a whole lot in this season of my life. With my partial retirement, I am shifting to a lower gear. I don’t want to stop discovering and living a full life. My energy is spent on worthy endeavors. Lifelong learning, embracing newness, intimacy with my relationships, thankfulness, and giving to others continue to be my aim. What do you aim for in this season of your life? If need be, start all over again.

“If you knew that hope and despair were paths to the same destination, which would you choose?” ~ Robert Breault

Posted in barrier, book, boundary, change, feelings, God, heart, Holy Spirit, hurt, listen, memoir, path, prayer, quote, rejection, scripture, season, spirit, Spiritual, time, write

A Turned-Up Hand

“There is a time and place for everything an old saying goes probably based on the holy scripture in Ecclesiastes. I know it is not what you or I want to hear after a turned-up hand shows up in the face. I have had plenty of turned-up hands, rejections, and boundaries set lately. But a boundary set gives me permission to thrive and live within the boundaries God has given me.

“There is a time for everything,
    and a season for every activity under the heavens …” Ecclesiastes 3:1

For the time being I have laid aside teaching culinary classes. The continuing education courses at the local community college have made too many changes I am comfortable with. Hence, the boundary set, and I take heed to. I will and have taken opportunities to teach culinary and writing-related workshops to young adults and adults. I am open to more venues to share my love of cooking and writing. In the meantime, God has prepared a time space whereas I can be more available at the senior center. Besides being a culinary professional, I have taken on more training and duties with regards to inventory and ordering at this season.

“I write because I don’t know what I think until I read what I say.” ~ Flannery O’Connor 

I have completed the first draft of my memoir. I have two readers combing through proofreading and making edit suggestions. The next steps are a professional editor, then the publisher. I have folks in mind for each of those roles for my first full-length book. There may be a hand turned-up in the process, but those brakes are a barrier that leads me to something better. In the meantime, I completed a 49 haiku challenge, seven haikus written for seven days. It was very therapeutic, and I was able to see my thought and feeling process after a difficult week. Writing does that for me. A green light means “go for it”! I have taken the opportunity to have my haikus printed into a mini book entitled Balancing The Seesaw.

Prayer was a very significant part of my difficult week, too. Relationships hurt sometimes. I was able to give my feelings of rejection to our God, who “knows when I sit and stand … understands my thoughts from afar” as Psalms 139:2 tells me. Are you listening to your own comfort zone? What stop sign have you encountered? What has God laid on your heart? What new path is the Spirit directing you to? There is a season for everything.

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time for hate,
a time for war, and a time for peace.

~Ecclesiastes 3: 1 – 8