Posted in Ann Voskamp, anxious, authors, body, comfort, compassion, cross, cry, Emotional, fear, God, health, heart, Holy Spirit, insecurity, Jesus, love, mind, pain, passion, people, Physical, Prayer, restore, sad, scripture, secure, spirit, Spiritual, trust, woman, worry

Inside My Aching Heart

An ear infection lead me to the urgent care before we left for vacation. My blood pressure was alarmingly high. The urgent care sent a report to my primary care, and she messaged me while on our 2-week vacation to take my blood pressure the next few days, and send her the readings. Still high and some chest discomfort soon after our multi-state road trip, I was in the doctor’s office when I got back to reality. Referred to a cardiologist and more testing, we discovered I have an arrthymtic heart condition. I have premature ventricular contractions (PVCs) that cause echo beats. This Friday I meet with my doctor to discuss what I need to do to take care of my physical heart besides take a beta blocker and lose weight. Questions flood my brain … How did I acquire this condition? When will I feel myself again? Can I return to speed walking as that helps in my weight loss efforts? How long has this arrhythmia been going on? I know I have not felt myself in a long while. I am tired much of the time. Not sleeping well most nights. I have become anxious with my relationships and social settings. I thought that was because of the COVID social distancing for too many days. This learnt introvert does not trust people easily. Trauma does powerful things to one’s mind, body, and soul. I cannot take anxiety meds, as they upset my digestive system so bad, and that causes more anxiety as I worry if I will find a bathroom in time when I go out. I am an insecure woman right now who doesn’t feel or even know if I am loved by those I have been close to over the years. I feel out of rhythm and vulnerable. The ironic thing is my physical heart is going through the same, out of sync and aching. Which came first, my aching physical heart, my stifled emotional heart, or my parched spiritual heart?

I suppose it doesn’t matter which was first. God wants to restore all three. Where do I start? My foundations, the Word of God and prayer. I recall Holy Scriptures that says I am “fearfully and wonderfully made”. In 1 Samuel 16:7 it says “The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” King David’s prayer wells inside me into a song … “Create in me a clean heart, and renew a right spirit in me. Cast me not away from thy presence, take not thy Holy Spirit from me, and restore onto me the joy of thy salvation, and renew a right spirit in me.” Psalm 51: 10 -12. I cannot hide from this truth nor the truth inside myself. The truth is I feel unsteady, insecure and timid right now in life. I do not know how long I will feel this way. With God’s help I will come out of this. I need to get my spiritual heart right first.

Author Ann Voskamp so eloquently writes . . .These days feel like a flood of heartache . . . And there’s not one moment God doesn’t feel that with us. “His heart was filled with pain” (Genesis 6:6). God has a heart . . . and it hurts. It hurts with what hurts us. His heart hurts not just with a few drops of ache, not just with a slow drip of sadness—the whole expanse of His heart fills, swells, weighs dark with this storm of pain. God, who hung the stars—He has taken a thread of His heart and tied it to yours. And He didn’t need to, but God tied His heart to yours — so when you feel pain, He fills with pain. Time only continues on in this impossibly suffering world because God Himself is willing to keep suffering the impossible with us. We read the headlines and wonder, lay in our own beds way too late at night & soundlessly cry: If there’s a God who really cares, He’d look at this world and His heart would break. And God looks to the Cross, and says, “My heart did. ”On that Cross, they speared His side and pierced straight into His heart, filled with pain, and it was the water and blood of His broken heart that gushed right out, a flood of love. Grace—it, too, has floods of its own. . . . The way heaven comes down so we can rise. In a world of grief beyond magnitude, what will change us and the world, is the attitude of Beatitudes. “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” In a world that doesn’t feel fair — His cruciform love and outstretched arms embrace us — so what we feel is Him. No one knows more than Jesus that this world isn’t fair — and no one loves us to death like Jesus, until everything is fair for forever. In a world of loss — the deeply suffering are deeply touched by the suffering of Christ. We do not weep alone. No matter what happens in this busted-up world in the days ahead, in your own beautiful world: Pray. He listens & He holds. “When you call on Me, when you come & pray to Me, I’ll listen…I’ll give you strength. I’ll help you. I’ll hold you steady” Jeremiah 29:12, Isaiah 41:10MSG #TheBrokenWay#WeepingTogether

The physical and emotional heart healings will come . . .

Posted in battle, compassion, crown, darkness, death, die, Family, flower, friend, gift, glory, God, holy, husband, Jesus, love, night, pain, passion, scripture, triumph, victory, write

Passion and Compassion

What passion do you have in your life? A passion to write, a passion to travel, a passion to love, or a passion to start or return to a different career, hobby, or relationship? “The word passion comes from Latin root pati-, meaning suffering, or enduring. Thus, compassion means to suffer-with: the compassionate aren’t immune to other people’s pain. And passion is, at its core, a form of pain that demands it be quenched. It’s not for the faint of heart or those who lack patience — which is not the ability to wait, but the ability to suffer,” quoting Vivek Haldar.

My passion to write is so strong that I awake in the middle of the night or the wee hours of a morning with the burning desire to get my thoughts out on paper, either handwriting or typing. This morning is one of those wee hour awakenings. Dean and I’s vacation revealed Jesus in the midst of visits with family and friends and the scenery. Photos along the way captured the crown of thorns, the wooden cross, the blood of Jesus, and the glory of our Risen Lord. Our early springtime travels were in Arkansas and Texas followed by visiting family in Lee’s Summit, MO. On Good Friday we made our drive to Lexington, MO for our 2nd COVID vaccine. Feeling lethargic and achy since Friday I finally succumbed to sleep, awoke to write and back to sleep for a few more hours.

I have a burning desire to share with you the passion, of our Lord Jesus. Because of what Jesus suffered on the Cross, we can have co-passion or compassion. He made the ultimate sacrifice for you and I. He loved us so much, that he suffered death on the Cross. God’s love is experienced through Jesus Christ. “How great is the love the Father lavished on us that we should be called children of God … This is how God showed his love among us. He sent His one and only Son into the world that we might live through Him. This is love; not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.” ~ 1 John 3:1 and 4: 9 & 10. It is Jesus, and Jesus alone why I can say “God loves me” and “God loves you”. “This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid His life for us,” the Holy Scriptures tell us. Jesus won the battle, even death on the cross could not hold Him back. Jesus is alive today! Accept Jesus’ love into your hearts today! Thank You, Jesus for this gift of love shared with each and every one of us this Easter Day!

Posted in answer, book, care, comfort, fear, feelings, give, glory, God, heart, hospitality, Jesus, king, light, love, Prayer, quote, Rejoice, scripture, silence, sorrow, worry

The Silence First

I prepare myself this Advent season, Christ’s coming. I quiet my soul this morning. Reading in my daily inspirational book which I neglected a couple of days this past week, “All of man’s miseries derive from not being able to sit quietly in a room alone,” written by 17th- century philosopher Blaise Pascal. I don’t want to be miserable. Do you? “Silence is God’s first language,” the 16th-century mystic John of the Cross wrote.

“Adventus” is the Latin word that the more modern word “advent” comes from, which means “arrival”. When someone arrives at your house or the office, you usually straighten things up and prepare some details like a meal or documents for your guest to partake or take with them. So we try to be accommodating, showing hospitality to our guests. The Latin meaning for hospitality is “host”. Most essentially, it refers to the relationship between the host and guest.

“Behold, I stand at the door and knock; if anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and will dine with him, and he with Me.” ~ Revelation 3:20 

What can I, the host give Jesus, my guest this Advent season? My heart. Jesus just simply wants my heart. And yours. He wants to take residence in my heart and yours. Jesus wants a relationship with you. Open your heart to Jesus, our Messiah, the Lamb of God, the King of Glory. Welcome Him. Silence first. Pray to Him, tell Him your heart. Your sins, worries, fears, tears, sorrows, praises, joys, and dreams. “Leave all your worries with Him, because He cares for you.” ~ 1 Peter 5:7. He is listening, He cares, He comforts, and He answers with His love. “I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore, I have continued to extend faithful love to you.” ~ Jeremiah 31:3

Posted in care, faith, fear, God, Holy Spirit, hope, Jesus, love, peace, scripture, strength, sufficient, trust

I Need You

I need You, my God, my Father, my Jesus, my Guiding Spirit. Hear my heart, oh God! Without You, I drift into downward spiral thoughts. Then anxiety and fear sets in. I lack trust, faith, hope, and love when I live outside of You. Philippians 4:13 tells me “I can do all things which He has called me to do through Him who strengthens and empowers me to fulfill His purpose – I am self-sufficient in Christ’s sufficiency; I am ready for anything and equal to anything through Him who infuses me with inner strength and confident peace.” ~Amplified Bible. The key is “self-sufficient in Christ’s sufficiency”. And Jesus Christ is sufficient. He fulfilled all that our Father required. He gave all. Jesus gave His life for you and me. “Cast all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you.” ~ 1 Peter 5:7. Outside of Jesus, you and I have nothing. Period. I turn to Jesus. Turn to Jesus.

Posted in believe, conquer, crown, death, glory, God, heart, holy, Jesus, king, life

A Crown and Purple Promises

medical_animation_coronavirus_structureKristina Jacobsen, a cultural anthropologist and singer-songwriter recently wrote in a Blue Zones article about her experience in Italy and living among the Italians during the novel corona virus pandemic.  “Antonio Pani plays with the word ‘corona,’ which also means ‘crown’ and symbolizes power.  He addresses the novel corona virus, singing in the southern version of the Sardinian language, Campidanese: ‘Even if you walk around with a crown, you will never be our king’.”  Pani’s sentiments are shared among all mankind around this world today.

But there was a crown worn by a Jewish man, Jesus.  His story is to be told hundreds of years before His birth and resurrection, and these hundreds of years afterwards.  This Holy Week leads us to the promises from the prophets of old.  Who is this King of Glory?  The Holy Bible in the Old and New Testaments makes references to crowns and the color purple which signify royalty.  Kings, queens, and prophets wore purple.  The books of Esther, who is crowned queen by King Xerxes and Daniel, the prophet who is given this same honor signified by wearing a purple robe.  A crown of thorns and a purple robe were used mockingly by the Roman soldiers to decorate Jesus Christ as the King of the Jews while the crowd shouted “Crucify! Crucify!”  Jesus suffered everything and died on the cross He was nailed to.  That crown of thorns would be replaced three days later with a crown of glory.  You see, death could not hold Jesus back from God’s glory.  Jesus conquered death. This Son of Man is also the Son of God.  The King of the Jews is our King.  Believe.  Let this Easter be the season to believe, old promises made anew,  a shining light in the darkness, broken hearts mended, a new life.  Like the purple phlox, violets, hyacinths, and tulips open up for us, open the gates of your heart and let Him in!

 This song “The King of Glory” was written by Catholic priest, Willard F. Jabusch.  This well-known song is based on an Israeli folk tune that he learned while studying in Israel.  Let us celebrate!

The King of glory comes, the nation rejoices.
Open the gates before him, lift up your voices.
Who is the King of glory; What shall we call him?
He is Immanuel, the promised of ages.
The King of glory comes, the nation rejoices.
Open the gates before him, lift up your voices.
In all of Galilee, in city or village,
He goes among his people, curing their illness.
The King of glory comes, the nation rejoices.
Open the gates before him, lift up your voices.
Sing then of David’ Son, our Savior and Brother.
In all of Galilee was never another.
The King of glory comes, the nation rejoices.
Open the gates before him, lift up your voices.
He gave his life for us, the Lamb of salvation.
He took upon himself the sin of the nations
The King of glory comes, the nation rejoices.
Open the gates before him, lift up your voices.
He conquered sin and death; he truly has risen.
And he will share with us his heavenly vision.
The King of glory comes, the nation rejoices.
Open the gates before him, lift up your voices.
Posted in brother, father, God, Holy Spirit, Jesus, life, live, mother, Physical, purpose, scripture, sister, spirit, Spiritual

Whence

On several occasions I have had an older gentleman ask me “where did you come from” or “from what place are you from”.  He forgets what I told him the last time, so he asks time and again “whence you come from?”.  Here is the definition of the word “whence” and the use of this phase …

  • ADVERB
    from whence (adverb)
    from what place or source.
  • ADVERB
    from whence (adverb)
    from which; from where.
  • to the place from which.
  • as a consequence of which

In the physical realm I came from my mother & father, who met at the grocery store chain they both worked at in the mid – late 50’s, married in 1958.  I am their third child.  Their firstborn is my older brother by 17 months.  And then came my identical twin sister, born 7 minutes before I.  The doctor and my parents were not expecting me, as my mother did not show signs have being pregnant with twins.  Remember ultrasound was not used back in 1960.  Right before my twin sister was born, they felt what they thought might be a “tumor”, but lo and behold, it was me, a 2nd baby barely over 5 lbs.  My parents waited, and my little brother followed 3-1/2 years later.  Mom said “if the pope wanted her to have another baby right after my twin sister and I, he can raise them”.  Born and raised in Missouri, we lived in a small town subdivision for my first 8 years, and then lived on a tree farm in the same county for another 10 years before moving across the state to go to college.

In the spiritual realm, I am a child of the Living God, predestined for His wonderful plans. “In Him we were also chosen having been predestined according to the plan of Him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of His will … having believed, you were marked in Him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit … live a life worthy of the calling you have received”, the book of Ephesians tells us.  This is where I come from, from our Father, Lord Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit.Remember From Whence We Came Ephesians

 

 

Posted in fear, flower, friend, God, grace, heart, hurt, people, Prayer, scripture, silence, solitude, thankful, unkind, woman, Women in My Life

Fearless Women

Looking back, how I have changed with each year that passed.   Not just with the added wrinkles, grays, pounds, aches, and pains in the natural aging process, but in each encounter with my God, His people,  and creation.  Our loving God uses every situation and person in our lives to shape us.  At times I have been in solitude, absent of friendships due to illness, death, and the unkindness of others.   There have been good and not so good people throughout my life.  Even in the most difficult and dark times, God was present.  He gave and continues to give me guidance on how to live life more Christ-like despite others.  I trust Him.  There is no secret from Him.  God knows the secrets of my heart and the sins of my life.  I draw on the grace of Jesus Christ with my imperfections as I pour out my heart to Him.  To all women, I encourage you to do the same.  And join a women’s group.  Not just any group but one where you are accepted as a prized rose, and encouraged to grow.  “Other seed fell on good soil.  It came up and yielded a crop, a hundred times more than was sown,” the Bible tells us.  Have open discussions, share holy scriptures and prayers, encourage fearlessness in fearful circumstances, and genuine friendships are planted in the garden.  Avoid weedy worthless gossip, emotional games, and comparisons.  No pretensions, be fully yourself.  This season I have been surrounded by fearless women, and seeds are being planted in good soil.  I am thankful.

 

 

Posted in cross, God, holy, Jesus, life, love

I Owe All To You, Jesus

My favorite worship song for this Holy Week …
There’s a place where mercy reigns
And never dies
There’s a place where streams of grace
Flow deep and wide
Where all the love I’ve ever found
Comes like a flood
Comes flowing down
At the cross, at the cross
I surrender my life
I’m in awe of You
I’m in awe of You
Where Your love ran red
And my sin washed white
I owe all to You
I owe all to You, Jesus
There’s a place where sin and shame
Are powerless
Where my heart has peace with God
And forgiveness
Where all the love I’ve ever found
Comes like a flood
Comes flowing down
At the cross, at the cross
I surrender my life
I’m in awe of You
I’m in awe of You
Where Your love ran red
And my sin washed white
I owe all to You
I owe all to You
Here my hope is found
Here on holy ground
Here I bow down
Here I bow down
Here arms open wide
Here You save my life
Here I bow down
Here I bow
At the cross, at the cross
I surrender my life
I’m in awe of You
I’m in awe of You
Where Your love ran red
And my sin washed white
I owe all to You
I owe all to You
I owe all to You
I owe all to You, Jesus, Jesus
Your love ran red
Your love ran red
At the Cross (Love Ran Red) by Songwriters: Matt Armstrong / Ed Cash / Chris Tomlin / Matt Redman / Jonas Myrin
… visualize, meditate, and know… “God raised Him up again, putting an end to the agony of death, since it was impossible for Him to be held in its power.” Acts 2:24 New American Standard.  Thank you, Father!  Thank you, Jesus!
Posted in children, Family, friend, God, husband, Jesus, life, loneliness, love, people, poverty, Prayer, redeemer, world

Kin

Mr. & Mrs. Dean Anthony GallThere are so many people in this world, but it is a small world at times.  Based on the 1920’s concept “Six Degrees Of Separation”, we each are six or less connections away from one another in this game called life.  This concept is used with Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter, and other social media.  Based on genetic studies, for most of us if you go back 10 generations, you  probably share a grandmother with your neighbor.  What makes someone kin to you?  Birth?  Blood?  Spirit?  Relationship?  Bonding?  Association?  Adoption?  “One touch of nature makes the whole world kin,” according to William Shakespeare.

This word “kin” reminds me about the biblical story of Ruth, Naomi, and Boaz.  Boaz became a “kinsman redeemer” when he married Ruth after her husband (Naomi’s son) passed away.  A “kinsman redeemer” is the relative who restores or preserves the full community rights of disadvantaged family members.  Boaz was not the likely choice, an older man.  But Ruth listened to what Naomi told her about Boaz, a good man.  Ruth was a blessing to Boaz.  Ruth and Boaz would give birth to Obed, who was King David’s grandfather.  And King David is a descendent of our Lord Jesus, Who is the ultimate “kinsman redeemer”.  With my Savior Jesus, God’s covenant relationship with Israel was completed with the redemption of humanity in Jesus Christ.

Like Boaz was for Ruth, my husband, Dean is for me.  Although 3 months younger than I, he is related to a friend, my former supervisor who introduced us.  Funny thing as we learned after we met, we were very close to meeting each other in our younger college years right after high school as we attended the same university and knew mutual people.  My friend, now sister-in-law told me Dean was a good man, and that he is.  And I love him dearly, so very thankful for Dean and the completeness and joy he brings in my life.  We have a great relationship, not perfect but work things through.  There are differences in how we were raised, and how we raised our children.  We differ in opinions on some social and society issues, but come back to our foundation, Christ. Dean redeemed me from emptiness, loneliness, and small living as a divorcee and an older single parent.  A late-bloomer, I sought out a new career in my 40’s after raising my two daughters and while my son was still in school.  After a rough first marriage I gave up on the thought of marriage for a long time.  Then I began to pray for a good forthright Christian man for a couple of years before I met Dean.  Perfect timing, jobs, friendships, open hearts, like-minded on important matters, and love that were aligned by God.  So happy I ended up with Dean. From what Dean tells me, he feels the same towards me.  He calls me his rock, solid foundation.  And his queen, not pretentious, his “all natural girl”. “Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same” ~ Emily Bronte.

 

Posted in children, father, forgiveness, friend, gift, God, husband, Jesus, love, mother, quote

Gift

The gift, a friend, a child, a grandchild, your spouse, your parent, or a pet.  Unconditional love.  That is the gift.  Sent from God.  Who in your life represents God’s heart and love?  Who have you shared God’s heart by loving them?  Who needs to know that love?

So happy to know God’s unconditional love, His forgiveness, His Son, Jesus my Redeemer and Savior as our example, role model.  No one else is the Perfect role model.  My Jesus.  Your Jesus, too.